venerdì 4 marzo 2011

Stuff That Actually Sucks: The Matrix

Whenever a discussions on pop-culture, music, movies starts you'll have to face people who have Sacred Cows. And i'm not talking about your usual nerds who defend Star Wars like they're Bible Thumper at a cross dressing club. I'm talking about normal people. Pay attention, every single person, unless they're one of those useless individuals that live like they're waiting to exhale, has an "untouchable" thing that, in their words "you cannot argue about".

And usually i like those, i am a hot blooded person like anyone else but sometimes i dont. Or years later i realize i really didnt but i succumbed to hype pressure and self convinced me i did.
And trying to explain my points usually ended up with being told "you dont get it", "you're trying to be controversial", "eat shit".

One HUGE example: The Matrix. No, not the sequels (which sucked for everyone). I mean the original. Some think it's the best movie of the century. Well.

When i saw it for the first time on the big screen when it came out, i was floored. It looked good back then. Flashy, fast, devoted to the worship of malking characters and action look cool. It had a plot that managed to be mysterious and elegant and a few very good ideas (or ideas thats eemed good).

After years, i re-watched it on blu-ray. It's ridiculous, glossy trash. And god, its BORING. Yes the action is cool but all it does is rehashing scenes that have been done a thousand times better in asian cinema. Look at John Woo's "Hard Boiled" or Ringo Lam's "Full Contact": slow motion, cameras that slow down and follow the flying bullet, gravity defying stunts. the bullet time look was cheesy back then and it got even more cheesy with its infinte replicas in following hollywood action movies, to reach self destruction in monstruosities a la "Wanted". The Hong Kong stylish action can still be rewatched today without feeling overblown and ridiculous. I cant watch any scene in Matrix without thinking that the movie manages to blow a lot of stuff up and still be still and stiff as a tree.

The story. Oh boy. I am not going to say its unrealistic. its sci-fi. I dopnt care about that. But how fucking pretentious it is. Taking elements from Philip K Dick and the whole movement of alternative sci-fi from the 60's/70's adding refrences to Alice in Wonderland and Zen philosophy sounds cool but not if all you do is mashing those things together and deliver a thing that no one really understands if they dont dweel on it foir days like lifeless dweebs. Its impossible to understand cause it makes no sense. It never did. The Wachowskis clearly had their ideas muddled and it showed even more when they decided to follow it up. Its full of silly flaws, fake twists, hints that go nowhere and plotholes. And its fucking boring.

The actors and characters (with the exception of Weaving as Agent Smith) are a bunch of uncharismatic morons. Trinity could be a hard ass lady but ends up looking like a fish in a latex suit. give me Sarah Connor any day.

There i said it. Seriously, read a philip k. dick book: Ubik, Palmer Eldritch, A scanner Darkly, The Man in The high Castle. Get an audiobook if you dont want to read. Watch "Full Contact", theres a dubbed version out there. Watch anything Oshii Mamoru has done (including "Ghost In The Shell"). He got ripped off big time, and his work is way better.

Then watch Matrix again and reflect. If you still like it, as an adult, good. But if you think it wasnt that good, just say it. thers nothing wrong with going against the herd.

Trust me, i dont like "Shawshank Redemption".

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