lunedì 25 luglio 2011
When a common reasoning man like myself reads something like the afytermath of the Oslo happenings, there isnt much left to say. I cannot go and ponder the reasons, the technical aspects or the political ramifications of something that caused almost over ninety people to be shot to death, a full area of a city to beirpped apart by bombs and more killings on top of that.
I am not going to brag about the fact that i'm not geographically that far from where it happened, so i felt like it was "closer to home" for me than the Tsunami or even 9/11. And i dont want to make statements with added value cause i know someone who lives there (and was left untouched thanks to chance and a timely vacation). I think that would be arrogant and pretentious.
Still, i feel hurt and a bit digusted by any form of cynicism or indifference about what happened (even if the reactions and grief were there, for once).
Some people still thought that Norway was too far from their bordwers to actually be able to care. And allow me to point this out: no matter where it happens, a man who kills almost a hundred people, targeting especially the young, is a problem to everyone. This killings werent made in the name of war, oil or some sort of religion, at least it doesnt seem so far. The place where they happned was a quiet land, calm, hardly newspaper fodder, peaceful. The person hold responsible for the killings wasnt a steretypical terroprist, in this age of racial profiling and Qran brunings. He is white, young, christian, well educated, a reader. Also a xenophobe, a conservative and with a face you would hardly notice in a crowd, if not to point otu he is kinda cute.
He is the retutn of the quintessential domestic terror: a man fueled by oneverload of information, a sense of righteousness and zealouous rage, attacking people because he wants his "values" to rule and he thinks society is a failure and needs to be cleansed of the rotten individuals.
He is an old type of terror that in the age of religious fundamentalism, and attacks that are genrally tied to larger schemes (and are generally the fodder of conspiracy theorists), has almost being forgotten. And that many will try to overlook. Some internet preachers and partisan journalists are already talking about him being a scapegoat, some sort of Lee Harvey Oswald, used to cover the REAL killers. Which i think is bullshit. But lets not get off track.
That tyype of monster has always existed and still exists and can pop up everywhere, no matter how peaceful or secure the country is. He will rant on the infinite reign of indifference that is the web, find some followers and then eventually explo0de. And hurt people.
It has happened before. It will happen again.
I'm not saying this to create a sense of dread. But waht i'm amazed at is how some people are reacting with indifference or trying to ignore the enbromous gravity of this. How some are shaking their head saying "i dont wanna know". How others are more interested in what happens in the world of celebrities and dont grasp what a LARGE, tragic number, ninety two people is. How seemingly many americans are only interested when people die in their own country.
Or, to be fair, how newspapers in my country are already exploting this carnage. To create a tragedy, or worse.
An infamous and yet extremely well paid and important editorialist for an italian newspaper, after failing to tag the shootings to islam has written a piece, today, that accuses the Oslo victims of being "Spineless kids, unable to react, too enamoured with their utopias to actually avoid death".
Some have actually agreed, commenting how the Norway Utopia was "too peaceful", "too docile", "too idealistic" and how armed citizens could have prevented this. So we're at the point of accusing a damaged nation of being pussies because they reached an ideal state of living before one of them decided, in the name of "god", that blood had to be spilled.
I dont understand. And i say "no comment".
sabato 23 luglio 2011
venerdì 22 luglio 2011
mercoledì 20 luglio 2011
martedì 19 luglio 2011
lunedì 18 luglio 2011
sabato 16 luglio 2011
giovedì 14 luglio 2011
mercoledì 13 luglio 2011
It's just a good moment, alothough not for me, but i'm made in a weird way, so i enjoy when something great happens to someone i love much more than when it happens to me.
Anyway, lately, as you could imagine, things havent been good. They still arent. Shit is still hitting the fan. Yet i learned from my princess Rhian, who's been fighting down to the skin of her teeth with the beastly sickness called lupus (an illness that affects a disturbing amount of people and is brutally ignored by media and people alike) that good and quite BIG news are on the horizon: Canada (making a move that will soon be followed by other countries).
Quote from This Article
"For the first time in almost 50 years Canadians living with lupus have a new treatment option. Health Canada has approved BENLYSTATM (belimumab), a new drug specific for the treatment of systemic lupus erythematosus (SLE, or simply lupus). The announcement was made today by GlaxoSmithKline Inc. (GSK) and Human Genome Sciences (HGS) who are developing BENLYSTATM under a co-development and co-commercialization agreement entered into in 2006. BENLYSTATM is expected to become available to patients in Canada in September of this year"
Now before you go all snarky about it, because you think attention should be given to "more important" issues, like the always popular AIDS or the oldie-but-goodie Cancer, remember that this is actually a sign that somewher, somehow things are moving forward. It means that in some way, the system has chosen to try something new and try to fight, instead of giving up on ill people and simply giving them a bunch of palliative cures or ignoring them all the way. This is a step UP, it means there is hope for people fighting with an invisible and devastating illness but also for everyone who is fighting with any illness. It means things are, maybe, changing for GOOD.
Of course there will be hate and cynicism, even in front of that. talk of money, and the cost of research, talk of "my thing is the most important". Also the cost of the medicine will be prohibitive. But it's a step forward, it means there's a glimmer of hope and we have a reason to fight. Also against whoever is telling ill people and the ones who love them, that they should be silent or just give up. There is still hope, and with that hope, we will buttfuck you all until you bleed.
martedì 12 luglio 2011
lunedì 11 luglio 2011
domenica 10 luglio 2011
Last night i was feeling something inside of me wasnt in the right place. I wasnt in pain or depressed but it felt like a seed was getting planted. My whole body was aching and dripping with a weird negative vibe. It was one of those moments when staring at the world around m, gave me back a denaturated feeling, like everything i watchede filtered through a greasy lens and lost colour and edges. It was like feeling slightly ill and nauseous about everything. Knowing how things work, usually, that would probably mean my brain was warning me that it would've been soon time for a "downer", which is, chemically speaking, when my brain stops producing what it needs to feel "right" and just becomes dead, grey and inert.
Still, who knows. I just went out and treid to get distracted. It worked to a point, i amanaged to resist the strong urge i fell on those times, which is to drink myself into an alcoholic oblivion. I knew that if the bad thing was about to happen, the symptoms of a hangover would've made it suicide worthy (and i'm not using the word lightly).
The night ended quickly and uneventfully as it often does in thopse cases, Those nights havent been really "fun" or "memorable" in years. I guess it's my fault: i am so focused on surviving and getting to the n ext step that i forget to enjoy myself. And i keep thinking, when really i should just let my brain die.
Later, i took one pill too many, as usual, and i slipped into LaLa Land.
And i dreamed. And for once the dream was vivid and strong and full of colour. Real.
I was in love in that dream. I felt it. I can barely remember hoe it feels during my actual life, i havent allowed my heart to love completely in a long time. But in that dream it was strong and powerful. This girl was my life and even looking in her eyes made me feel like meltin'. We were giving each other dreams, thoughts, and ways to express our love through each others' eyes and lips. We could feel the warmth of each others skin speak better than anything we could ever say in words. She was my life. And i was hers.
I was sent to war in this dream. I knew i would die, cause it was inevitable. And yet i went to my own death knowing i would do anything to survive just to give this girl the hope to see me again. Thinking in the midst of pain and hate and fear about how her body felt under my touch so i could become stronger and face anything.
Then i woke up.
The house and the bed are empty.
It's hot. My cellphone has texts from someone i met the other night. I dont really know who they are and i dont care. They dont love me, i dont love them.
Nobody in the world really acknowledcges my existence. I feel nauseous and my head hurts. I could not move from the bed and slip into a coma. Go back to dreams and forget i am getting close to being broke. that i am lonely cause i make myslef so, cause i am not able to be in any other way anymore. Cause the only way i can make my heart beat is in dreams.
What if i just did that? Would anyone notice?
I made Pesto for lunch. Its still there, i didnt eat it.
sabato 9 luglio 2011
venerdì 8 luglio 2011
Yeah, i know you think you're a scoial creature and you think you can count anyone you interact with two times a year as a "friend" but the fact is, the real "friendships" are like real relationships. They're tough, uneasy, strange and they reward you with real feelings. I can have great friendship without having met the person and i can see a person every day without ever really feeling like we connected. Its chemistry, so use your words correctly.
Things Will Get Better
They might not, so hearing you say it liuke it's a fact makes me think you dont have your shit together. Bad things might keep happening and bad peoiple might keep doing what they do. Maybe trying to face the negativity and accept it is better than hoping for changes that will not come.
martedì 5 luglio 2011
domenica 3 luglio 2011
A frequent reaction i get when i talk about my increasing belief in the fact that people and society are going through ana alraming mental regression and slowly becoming an army of irrational, destructive children with social disoreders is often a sentence in the lines of "well, you just met weirdos, most people arent like that".
Or "Assholes are just louder". Or "Your country is full of weirdos, we dont have those here (note: here can be any place, including any shithole country where weirdos are actually more than the normal people).
No. Sorry. If you're sane, you mi8ght want to convince yoursefl that things are actually nromal and that the incresing insanity and cruelty of people isnt an issue but you would be wrong. It's a FACT: humani9ty is getting to the end of the line. People are becoming increasignly irrational, insane and erratic. A small group of intelligent ones is advancing but somehow the deafening stupidity of the majority is destroying what's left of the society's sanity.
Let me give you a few examples:
1) A recurring link to a series of photos ios being posted on the web. In these photos the picture of a raw skinned rabbit, sold at a supermarket is being passed as a "fetus of a dead alien". Usually something like that would be stuff for trashy tabloids. Yet, the photos have been shown on a Science Themed Tv Show as "Potential Proof" of the existence of aliens. That happens too, no worry. Problem is that said video is being spread like the plague on the web. Some rightfully cynical people, addressed how ridiculous it was, in humorous manners and those people were burned at the stake as haters and non believers. I personally got accused of being a hate mmonegerer and of being unable to grasp the "conspiracy".
Wake UP. Aliens never landed on this planet. If it happened, it did aeons ago. There was no "Area 51". Most of the films are fake. That picture is a skinned rabbit. The governement, any governement, isnt hiding UFO's. There are no UFO's. The sightings of them are usually hoaxes. If there is life in the universe, we probably will never meet it.
Realize this: your life ON THIS PLANET has to make sense. Stop hiding your head in beliefs that involve a possible sci-fi future of meeting the unknown. Because even if it's there, you will NOT see it. So focus on the present and stop acting like shadows are faeries.
2) There is no god or afterlife. People dont have auras or souls. And yet, daily, i meet persons who come upw ith newly found faith in Spiritual nonsense. Rational people who start believing in angels, in bveing able to communicate with the dead, in being able to talk to god, in prayer. Or people who become part of new cults that believe in the "inner spiritual energy" of mankind. Lots of those are quick to say that traditional religions are silly, or that Scientology is insane but then give money to the cult of Baba-Yiji-Wahwah. "Hey the man did suddenly become a spritual guide after losing all his money gambling, but he seems to be so wise".
I lost powerful minds to the false security of spirituality.Think about it: what proof do you have that any form of spirtuality or unearthly manifestation might be true? Answer: none. All you have is feelings, and feelings arent facts. The only truth is tangible and no spirituality is tangible. There's no special souls, dead people are dead, no god, no afterlife, no mystical energy, nothing. We are flesh with impulses and we only have one shot at living-. That is what makes life spescial, that it's all we have. If we dont use this time, we wont have a second chance. So stop hding in fables which are just there to make you less afraid of death. Death is logical and natural.
3) I keep noticing how ex-idealists or people who craed suddenly become socially disgusted pricks who got a job, or money or enough comfort to quit having a conscience but instead of still caring about the world witha different point of view, sold themselves to evil. I get it, cumfarts, you realized that all politicians suck and you can afford not caring abvout anbything cause you have a large income and will never fight about anything again but that doesnt mean that people who have ideals or simply get angry because their country is treating them like crap are all stupid.
Recently, my country is going through a phase of trumoil who could possibly lead towards change (or not). While i dont side with all protests, riot or actions, i have a firm belief that anyone who feels wronged has more right to act accordingly, than a person whose only contact with the system is through Facebook. If you havent voted in years, and i dont care if you think you did it out of some social principle, it's a lie, you ahve no right to beliuttle the ones who believe in change. You cant make jokes on how you hope protesters get clubbed to death. You cant post on blogs how disgusted you are by people that are passionate on beliefs because you think "ideals are for morons". You cant just express how disgusted you are at your countr and how you lack any interest in it, cause if you live here (and even if you move), it's still YOUR COUNTRY and you owe it ATTENTION. If you dont care or your only feeling is anrk, disgust or hate, GET THE FUCK OUT.
Go to the US and see how beloved you are there, Guido.
sabato 2 luglio 2011
venerdì 1 luglio 2011
It used to be that way, at least. for every sung story there was a nother one that got lost and a few remembered or cared about but that never really became important for the majortiy that ruled the logic of events or made your existence worthy cause they remembered it and talked about it.
In the end, most life were made of a few good songs and a lot of b-sides. Or like a large sheet of paper, covered in words and tales, where suddenly some took a lit cigarete and started burning holes. The holes took away whole sections of the story and while the pages went on, there were more and more h0oles. It still made sense to most, but who wrote the story knew that most of it was missing.
He used to think all days would matter. He lived every day to the bone. Even the inane moments had a strength to them that made them stick. He made mekories, whether it was through awkward times ina school builfding or with his early friends doing their first silly but unforgettable mistakes. or with his ealry girls, failing more than what he was achieving. Spending time with his family. Time that wasnt pleasant or good but stayed there.
Maybe it was hope, Maybe it was the fact that with so many years ahead, things were more maningful back then. He didnt realize it. All he did was live the days and dream of times where things would achieve. He hadnt known the taste of the bottom yet. The real bottom, the one thgat doesnt taste like tears but has a blank feeling that erases all taste and makes you forget what you loved once. That digs holes in your stories. that makes your time a b-side, while you start hating the main song.
The thing changed. As they always do. He started having to make decisions or let others make them for him. Go to school. Picka job. Choose if you wanna live or survive. Live your week waiting for the weekend to come so tyou can get shitfaced and feel like you really have feelings again. But all that happens is that those few days slip away and you're on monday again, waiting for the nest time.
It wasnt that good, lets hope next one is better. Maybe tomorrow things will be better. Dont loose hope, things will improve. Its almost saturday, we'll get drunk and forget this week. Its almost.
And suddenly it was all about moving forward. He lived the best parts in life withotu actually thinking about what was happening. And he didnt know that was what was happening. He loved and fucked and all he could think was "what will i do tomorrow?". "What will i do next?" "what if...".
And then it was gone. All went away before he started loving it. He4 became alone before he started realizing how beautiful thew times were. And the days started slipping.
Put sand, colourful, beautiful sand in your hands. It slips away. Calmly at first, then faster, and faster. Suddenly the hands are empty and you abrely remember how the sand looked like and how it felt touching it and feeling it. And the memeories fade, no matter how hard you squeeze your brain to keep them, they get eaten away from your soul as you die one second at a time.
And all you want is to at least feel again what it was like. You know you cant go back there, but at least remember. At least hold on to a day. but it slips while you're thinking.
He kept losing one day after the other and he didnt kno why. And they became years.
Things went away, people died.
He just blacked out cause being there was scary. Then he blacked out cause he forgot how to be there. Then he just wasnt there anymore. The black out was his life. And he was dead inside. No memories. Nothing left. Blank.
Someone told him that your life has a meaning in th hearts of the one who rememeber you. Yet nothing really si remembered. His father wanted to send him in the world as a man and failede. He never had children of his ownNo one remembers who the fuck he was now.