lunedì 28 marzo 2011

Modern Books for Modern Kids

While chatting up with my delightful friend, the smart and witty Princess ViVi, we both came to an understanding on where the real future of literature is: kids' books.

Simple as Olive Bread: children's books sell well, cause they are forced to read them. The writer and publisher do not have to deal with silliness like pleasing the public. Toddlers' opinions do not count, so all you have to do is plkease the teachers!

That said, its time, in this modern world, to bring beef to the whimsy and finally create books that adrress REAL issues that tax our future wates of oxygen. Enough of racism and tolerance, we all knows such things will never come. Lets tell them the truth in a joyus rosy metaphorical manner. Cause even unicorns get the blues.

Here's some ideas:

Pedro And The Surprise Party

Joyous cuddly bear Pedro finds his friends from the woods throwing him a surprise party, even if it isnt his birthday! But to his disappointment he discovers its actually an interventyion for his magical pink cloud juice problems.

Pedro has to realize that even if drinkin magical pink cloud juice helps him tolerate his lame forest friends, he always ends up beating them up. He also discover his real originbs when his papa bear tells him about his night with magical juice, and a rental love bear.

The Little Lamb's Amazing Adventure

Little Lamb is lonely but he discovers an unusual friend: a wolf. The wolf tells him how he's not like the others: he's a memebers of NAWLA, the national wolf/Lamb love associatio, where lamb let wolf brutally slaughter them and eat them but in a consensual way. Little Lamb takes his other lamb friends and they all get eaten in the name of free speech.

Princess Prancy Goes To Mehville

Princess Prancy is not happy. Being the ruler of a kingdom gets her worried and gives her ulcers. She worries too much and no one seems to help her. Thats hen her fairy godmother decides to transport her in the magical realm Of Mehville, where apthy reign and no one really gives a shit about anything. She learns the true power of the word Meh and the mysetery of the cosmical Shrug. That renewed knowledge gives her the strength to give up her kingdom and get pregnant with the Mehville Prince, having her first Mehbortion.

Bubble Bunny And The Goldmine

Bubble Bunny is poor! Her family and friends are starving. No more food or a house! Its right then that Bubble Bunny's Best friend, Fernando the Felching Ferret teaches her his special sercet: doing special shows for the mole people! Bubble bunny starts doing weird stuff with rainbows and uncorn horns and she becomes the mole people's favourite star! Until one day, the mole people's priest decides to purify her form her fluffy sins....

See? All kids must learn those valuable lessons! I already see animated movies, toys (Plush Fernando the Felching Ferrett will be a best seller), spin offs. Oh, the possiblities!

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