lunedì 30 maggio 2011

Holidays in Dumbodia

I am sure that everyone of you fellas act all geumpy and grinchey about holidays and how they're stupid and corporate but secretly rejoice gleefully (as in gay like Glee) when those time of the year comes.

Nothing wrong about it. I hate family gathering but i do not hate Christmas, Easter or Valentine's Day. Well that last one is a bit strange to celebrate, mostly cause needin one specifc day to celebrate your love makes me think you dont really love the person, but i'm controversial (but always right). And honestly, even if i despise most of them, i understand the patriotic american holidays, although i dont get why should i give two fucks about the fourth of july if i'm european....

That said, i think everyone should exercise our creativity, as usual, in the Making Angels Cry, by making up new things to improve the world. And that means, new Holidays for a new less geography, religion, calendar restricted world. Time to have holidays everyone can celebrate! Excuses to stay away from work! To have parties! To send handmade cards! Horrah!

Fuck Your Family Day

All holidays are somehow devoted to the celebration of family. You have to do horrifying lunches with your parents and relatives and smile at the tales Grandma weaves about her cat having diarrhea. Or have to bear Mom getting drunk and unleashing verbal abuse on everyone.

Let's have a holiday where we celebrate how family iosnt really important and how we can lovingly live without it. Cards with pictures of turds, containing brutal revelations ("Dad touched me at night, mom. happy FYF day"). No visits allowed, destrucion of old presents you didnt like from past holidays, fuck you calls. Like all holidays everything that happens in it has no consequence.

Self Love Day

Have a whole day devoted to YOU! Give yourself presents! Masturbate a lot! Cook stuff you like! Go to places only you like! Spend the whole day watching stuff no one cares about! Be moody and obnoxious! Its like being pregnant but for both sexes and an offical holiday!

Also its maybe the only actual holiday when you are allowed to be a complete asshole to everyone and not feel bad about it.

Its also a great day to end bogus friendships and relationships. Think about yourselves, you can only do it today!

Anti Baby Day

Since most holidays are all about babies (with maybe the exception of Valentine's day, unless we want to go metaphorical and realize Valentine Day lovers are babies), we should create a holiday that is NOT for them or about them. For once, the whole day will be devoted to the love of a childess life, to sexual acts that dont bring to reproduction (a whole Series of ads that celebrate oral sex, fetishes and butt play! yay!). Free abortion coupons,. Full nights and diners where babies arent allowed and couples are allowed for one day in the whole sad year, to get time for themselves!

That will never work, but its nice to dream.

1 commento:

  1. Dear Junk,

    This post made me laugh out loud. I needed to laugh out loud today so thank you. I particularly love the concept of Self love day, might I suggest ones birthday. I would love to have a "I can't deal with this shit" sleep all day day and a "The party/game/druken date went on a little late" day.

    Thanks again