One: i'm aware that happy posts about positivity are frankly creepy and disgusting, as much as ultra negative ones, so, my fellow followers, try to take this one as an expression of me acknowledging that there still might be a glimmer of good in the darkness and a possibility for hope.
Two: the even that triggered this wave of feel good i'm trying to enjoy, doesnt involve me directly but a person i consider more than close, almost a good half of me. And even if people who think they know me, often label me as "egotistical", "self absorbed" and an asshole, i had more genuine happiness from this than i had in ages. Still, its not something that i have the right to describe in detail, so i'll try to express my feelings in general terms.
I am not going through a great time. There's a lot of frustration in my life, a sense of dryness. I am not satisfied with many choices i made and i need more means (especially economic) to do what i want with my future. And i often have the feeling i am not understood by a lot of people around me. Not in a victimistic way, simply as a consequence of my lack of patience for explaining things that cannot be easily solved and the side effects of my distress (for example a sever case of the shut ins, due to chronic tiredness).
Still, lat night, i learned that the strongest fighter i mert in my life, a lioness, a sweet hearted warrior with so many battle scars its not even cool, finally got a break. The system, the same society that always refused to acknowledge her and her need for help and awareness, apparetnly changed its mind and decided to help her. To, in metaphoric terms, hold her hand for this trip. She will get the help she deserves to grow stronger.
She's been improving, fighting, regaining her speed, striking back while still hurting, in the last years. She has never bowed down to the bad stuff that tried to break her, actually finding the energy to still be a strong person.
Yet, she needed help from people that could give her the means to survive and improve more. And up to now, and enraging wave of indifference seemed to rule. But yesterday, seems that her fairy charm also became a lucky one and suddenly things got full of hope for a future. If not a completely happy one, a hopeful one, where people are human again and care for others.
As i was trying to share this news with someone i know, this morning, i noticed that assholes are still there. Answer was "why do you care?". Because i love her. And because even if i would've fought until my hands turned into bloody stumps if i had to, and stood by her no matter what, knowing that she will not be alone and will be taken care of, is filling me with hope for better things and better people. And feeling her happy and overhwelmened, with a racing hearty, even if it was only on a series of typed words on a screen, made me feel true joy as i havent felt it in a long time.
Judge that as you wish. I dont need any approval.