After an enlightening conversation with my dapper pal Tony, i was taken by this mind expanding idea, which will help you see the world with different eyes and realize how small you are, especiallyy considering theres a rapture coming and god is probably a small kitten with tourette's.
Having done social studies for a bit and realized what a ball busting chore actual ethnographies are (most of them are either old studies of villages of tiny black men with weird sexual rituals or large internet communities of perverted basement dwellers), i decided to apply a sociological views on what really matters in this world: pop culture and cool silliness. You'll realize how stuff that you never viewed with analytical eyes suddenly makes more sense. I am a genius, i know. Self Appreciation Time for me, fuckahs.
The Racist Wet Dream aka Smurfsville
Ok, this one is pretty obvious, and i am not the first one who figured that one out: the Smurfs are a racist, inbreeding society, something between a KKK memebr's and a nazi's wet dreams put together.
They have all the features that fit the utopia. They are one race with very little distinguishing features, they are all blue. They all dress the same, and besides some commie fag hippies that popped out in the late years, they're mostly indistinguishable. They have one ancient leader that dresses in a distinguished fashion and benevolently controls their life with in a stern but widely accepted way. They do gathjerin gs where they chant disturbing songs. They speak their own language. They live in their own village and apparently are all related to each other. The only female member of the society is a teutonic blonde and is basically a sexual object that evryone swoons over but actually never touches. Their main enenemy is a big tall Jew Wizard (did you LOOK at Gargamel? He is totally Jewish).
And if that isnbt enough, take a classic story as an example: the only time a black smurf pops up is because of an evil disease and he is treaten as a dirty, filthy, malevolent infection.
Dude, That is Soooo Roar : Fast Times At Dinosaur High
According to recent statements, T-rex's chased in packs.
A normal person wouldve read that and said, "yeah so?". I thought, with help from Tony, how t-rex semmed to be stupid, big, goofy and now how they seemed to group together for that and figured out: they were Jocks. Big frat boys with little brains and a grunting temper that bullied around the world of dinosaurs. They ahd to do dinosaur jeg stands, slap gazelles into the butt and walk, have weird dinosaur sex in the whowers with each other.
It makjes perfect sense. T-Rex's shoved other, shorter dinoasurs, like triceratops, into volcanos, called them queers, and stole their gazelle money. Brontosaurus were big and peaceful stoners who were kinda bullied too but generally stood by themselves. Pterodaptyls were never really at school, just roamed around with their own gang, dealing stuff on the rooftops.
Velociraptors were the psycho kids, roamed sorund causing fear, and were looked badly by everyone.
Then a giant meteor called dwonsizing came and shut the school down.
("dont youuuuuu... forget about meeeeeee.....")
The Sad Village Of Tetris
The small village of tetris is overpopulated. So little space and too many kids and families. Each second, new babies are born, and since abortion is considered quitting the game, the only way out for the tetrisians is for a line to climb over the border and get to freedom and jobs as janitors anhd whores.
But its a fight, cause those babies and old people keep piling up and overcrowding the houses and hospitals. You must do something. Have you got no heart? Help them escape throughy freedom and green cards! Every person you pile wrongly, is a starving baby whos crying and watching you with empty broken eyes....