mercoledì 4 maggio 2011

New Geography For The Modern World

Now that Osama Bin Laden has been killed and sent to live with the taliban Snorkys, we all know that terroriusm is over and the world can begin to turn into a better place. A new place where everything is cool and there's no controversies, a world built on knowledge and universal truth.

Since the US of A shall rule the new world, we will have to insert in the new names and georgraphy of it, a bit of their knoledge of the planet besides their limit. Also the new world shall be modified acccording to the internet dogma, which after all, is the universal reality.

So here's the new composition of the world:

- The United States will be renamed to "America Fuck Yeah, Number 1, Gold Medal". Its capital will be New York, renamed The Only City That Counts. The new language will be a mixture of internet lingo, misspellings, urban slang and acronyms. All type of ethnic/foreign culture will be mixed into one big cultural stew called "Nommygasm" which will sacrifice diveristity for fat deliciousness (example speciality : marshmallow pizza covered with pesto and curry tofu, deep fried, with a side dish of live, chocolate covered baby chickens). All brown people will be moved outside of it.

- All middle east will be unified in one state, called Sandrabia. Anyone who's brown, even only tanned will be placed there. If your country end with "Stan" or you dont know all Miley Cyrus's songs by heart, you will be absorbed into Sandrabia. The citizens of Sandrabia will be used fundamentally for entertainment purposes to amuse the rest of the world. Their laws will be decided by a random generator and they will have to obey, unless they want to be expelled into space. An example of a rule will be: wearing porkchjop pamties for all day while walking backwards. Some morons are calling this idea cruel and unusual, so they are going to be painted brown and sent there too.

- Liberals and intellectuals will not be killed or exiled, since the new way is magnanimous. They will be put into a tiny theme park/state called Pewrope. Thyere, between replicas of the Eiffel Tower and the Colosseum, Vespas and fake Gondolas, they will be able to complain all day and write incendiary critics on the curreent state of the world. They will be given pipes, poodles, and berets and obnoxious jazz music. Yet, the whole state will be put under a sound isolating dome so the rest of the world doesnt have to hear them whine.

- Nerds will have their own country, called Nerdonia. Knowledge of the Doctor Who universe will be mandatory. Still, the handling of the country has already shown problems since after a couple of days, Star Trek nerds and Star War nerds have already started the first Nerdonia civil war and exterminated each other with Puprple Nurples. Might try to solve the issue by giving them female slaves, but it has been noted that they wouldnt know what to do with them.

- China will be nuked. Japan and the rest of the ching chongs will be reunited under the nation of Fapan. They will be the world main manifacturers of weird ponr (quieting, possibly, the turmoils of Nerdonia). All towns will be habitated by all sorts of perverts, from the quiet city of Furryville to the districts of Ewww (distributors of girls and cups). Their main source of income will be through distributed videos of their sexual activites, which the rest of the planet will enjoy discreetly and with no shame.

- Since they could have no place anywhere else, nice people will escape and form their own country, the state of WuddlyPuddly. People of said state will have lots of sex, cuddles, nice things, kittens and rainbows, and will be allowed to make up their own language on the spot. The state has been ignored so far, but some defeatists say that they might take over the world.

There. Please dont hate me.

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