Holidays in Dumbodia

I am sure that everyone of you fellas act all geumpy and grinchey about holidays and how they're stupid and corporate but secretly rejoice gleefully (as in gay like Glee) when those time of the year comes.

Nothing wrong about it. I hate family gathering but i do not hate Christmas, Easter or Valentine's Day. Well that last one is a bit strange to celebrate, mostly cause needin one specifc day to celebrate your love makes me think you dont really love the person, but i'm controversial (but always right). And honestly, even if i despise most of them, i understand the patriotic american holidays, although i dont get why should i give two fucks about the fourth of july if i'm european....

That said, i think everyone should exercise our creativity, as usual, in the Making Angels Cry, by making up new things to improve the world. And that means, new Holidays for a new less geography, religion, calendar restricted world. Time to have holidays everyone can celebrate! Excuses to stay away from work! To have parties! To send handmade cards! Horrah!

Fuck Your Family Day

All holidays are somehow devoted to the celebration of family. You have to do horrifying lunches with your parents and relatives and smile at the tales Grandma weaves about her cat having diarrhea. Or have to bear Mom getting drunk and unleashing verbal abuse on everyone.

Let's have a holiday where we celebrate how family iosnt really important and how we can lovingly live without it. Cards with pictures of turds, containing brutal revelations ("Dad touched me at night, mom. happy FYF day"). No visits allowed, destrucion of old presents you didnt like from past holidays, fuck you calls. Like all holidays everything that happens in it has no consequence.

Self Love Day

Have a whole day devoted to YOU! Give yourself presents! Masturbate a lot! Cook stuff you like! Go to places only you like! Spend the whole day watching stuff no one cares about! Be moody and obnoxious! Its like being pregnant but for both sexes and an offical holiday!

Also its maybe the only actual holiday when you are allowed to be a complete asshole to everyone and not feel bad about it.

Its also a great day to end bogus friendships and relationships. Think about yourselves, you can only do it today!

Anti Baby Day

Since most holidays are all about babies (with maybe the exception of Valentine's day, unless we want to go metaphorical and realize Valentine Day lovers are babies), we should create a holiday that is NOT for them or about them. For once, the whole day will be devoted to the love of a childess life, to sexual acts that dont bring to reproduction (a whole Series of ads that celebrate oral sex, fetishes and butt play! yay!). Free abortion coupons,. Full nights and diners where babies arent allowed and couples are allowed for one day in the whole sad year, to get time for themselves!

That will never work, but its nice to dream.

Natural Rememdies For The Homicidal Blues

Dennis Leary, during one of the few times wheere he wasnt ripping off jokes from Bill Hicks, said "Happiness is a moemnt, a spurt that lòasts a few seconds. A chocoalate, an orgasm and then you're back to the misery". I kinda agree.

It's hard, almost impossible to define a life as "happy" or "perfect". One can be adjusted, satisfied, have more good moments than bad but i'm seriously suspicious towards people who say "they have a happy life".

A bit of hurt is a fundamental component of a functional soul. Dysfunction is part of a heart that isnt completely hardened. You might "enjoy" your life and be happy about the people that surround you and your life choices but if you think you're "very happy" and you find unhappiness wrong or weird, than you probably lack something or you have made yourself deaf to a natural component of human nature.

As i said, whining and random complaining cannot be defined as real depression, but yet the real deal is something that has the potential to start inside every person. The act of surviving is a long, bumpy road, filled with obstacles that arent necessarily bad moments or traumatic events. The most dangerous bumps are related, for me, to human interactions. Its natural for anyone to put a lot of meaning into interactions with people but that will often bring pain. To interact with others, you need to trust them and most people abuse trust. Most people arent evil but they are egotistical. They will use another individual, especiually a close one that loves them or gives tham a lot, as long as they can take good out of it, but they will drop it once they feel comfortable and move on. Its a part of life, but it hurts.

People tend to identify "breakups" as the worst moments of life, mostly cause the heart tends to put a lot of importance into relationships, especially the deep ones where the word "love" comes into play and in the serious way. Yet, if you observe it, life is a series of breakups. You breakup with family, with friends, with jobs and every single time theres an amount of pain, cruelty, denialand from one or the other side, coldness. Thats how some people either become really depressed or really mean. Some have it in them. Others learn. Others just break after the final siappointment and spiral into a series of medical prescription, bade advice and going numb through substance.

Most pills will fuck your head up and cause a chain of fixings. The first ones will have side effects, that youll have to fix with other pills and so on, until none of them really works and you're spending most of your money into chemical crap that makes you a drug addict.

That might be a way, youll have to go through. Sometimes the head chemicals are beyond repair and you wont be able to avoid the medication route. Everyone wants to, but sometimes you have no choice. Yet, sometimes you do.

For my personal experience, a bit opf numness is good. You have to gain a good level of indifference to things and people in order to live in a decent way. The heart is frail and it can be broken with no possibility of repair., so be careful. Consider that most of your friendships are not going to last. That almost all relationships end and even the people you put on a pedestal could possibly fuck you up for good ina few hours. It's not going to save you from hurting but it means whatever happens, it wont be the last time and if you're aware, it will hurt gradually less.

Plus, stick and stones and consider the source. Of everything. Some epople just lack the conept of respect and will try to stab you woith words or trying to purposefully destroy, because they can. Just know that this is a possibility, with everyone , and be oreoared when it happens. And fuck the high road. Hit them back.

Dreams are hard to achieve, jobs are hard to keep and they hardly give you satisfaction. If you get money and it sucks try to stick with it and sue the money for doing things you like. Travel, have poarty, invest in your passions. Have passions, ap'athy is death. COnsider the cubicle time as a necessary evil to get where you want. Shrug it off, that way. And if things really break down, remember that you can survive anything. every person has a chance to rebuild themselves, thats one of the few redeeming factors about people. Theres always a way to get back on your feet. It might be unpleasant but it will help you get over the bad times and gain weapons to fight.

Keep the good one close when times are tough. Enjoy the silliness and wonder of having them. Be goofy, make plans. Even plans that are hard to realize. Keep your feet in the dirt and your head between the stars. And enjoya bit of meanness towards the ones who deserve it. Some people are assholes and live well with it, but most assholes are miserable.

And no matter how horrifying the moment is, if you wait abit, something great will happen. nothing is final. Ever.

Allow Me To Burst Your Bubble

After the extreme and love filled post i did yesterday, maybe its time to reduce the levles of fuzziness in our hearts and reflect about reality with a bit more cynicism.

I have nothing against cynicism on its own. I hate pwoplw who allow their cynicism to become the most of them and turn into apathy or open cruelty. That is disguting. Being a realist or a level headed person, doesnt mean regularly stomping other people's hopes, because your own brain is unable to think outside its own oxygen deprived box.

Still, excessive idealists and dreamers sometimes are even worse. I dont know if you ever met one of those people that, thanks to an easy life that has allowed them to cultivate their desires, passions and aspirations, have found themselves conivnced that their rosy tinted world is thje only reality and everyone who is a bit more realistic, is bitter. The people who tell you that "your job shouldnt be about the money but about fulfilling your dreams". Yeah those people. The non-struggling artists and non-fighting ideals.

Besides the obvious lack of respect and realism that shows its mug in their statements, a common feeling i always have with those people is how they lack a bit of cynicism, the good kind. The one that allows to get on a level where you actually DO things and are not lost in the magnificient world of Tralala land.

I had this, in my mind while reading an article which pointed out the presumed importance in the future of the "Singularity" effect, which assumes that in some years, scientific progress will blow up (according to cyclical history) and bring an abrupt evolution in mankind, with the good and bad sides of it.

That sprung a series of thoughts in my head on how sometimes, most of idealistic concepts and myths should be severely downsized, in order to regain a correct vision of reality, which might allow us to pay more attention to where we are now.

Science might go into new directions, but do not expect the big issues to be solved: the main diseases might get a cure but the pharamaceutical companies will fight to the teeth to avoid that. There's a higher chance we WONT see a cure for AIDS or cancer than seing one. So it would be more logical and productive to fight for awareness on illness, improving the conditions of the ill people, prolongin their life, reducing the symptoms, preventing the cuases. People should learn to live with diseases and cope with them with improved strength and support, instead of waiting for a miracle to come. Stop allowing pharamas to drop pills that arent needed and force them into focusing on stuff that works, even experimental ones. Less yapping and maybes, more facts.

There wont be any space colonization, people wont go to live on other planets, we wont get world peace and conquer the universe. Sorry.

Technology is going into the bellic direction. War is something that will always be there as self destruction is a component of mankind and its probably the strongest one. There will always be death, murder and destruction and entire countries which starve or cease to exist because of that. And as beautiful as it looks, NASA is already at its ropes, by sheer lack of interest by the public and funding.

It is hard to survive in this world when you have a dreaming heart, especially if you're one that l.ooks at the stars and feels his heart soar. But you have to take into account that people are, for the complete majority stupid, ignorant, and cruel. No one really cares anymore about any sort of actual progress. All people want is to be entertained into numbness, feel safe (thats what the excessive militasry use is for), feel superior (thatss what conspiracies are for) and feel free to hate each other in various degree.

People will not get better. There's more and more ignorance daily. The majority is settling into religion and spirituality which are, no matter how you see it, a refuge against fear of the unknown and a series of made up points about what COULD happen after death. The logical answer would be not thinking about the afterlife and living in the present, with dignity, respect and tolerance. But that isnt happening, since people are terrified of letting others free of making their choices anbd take solace into religions that set medieval rules on what to think or do.

So the few ones that actually have love and respect should give up hoping for change and try to hold on to each other, tight.

Most loves wont last. It sounds bitter but its true. Nothing lasts forever. You might find the one, but in most cases you will find the right one right now. Everything ends so living day by day is the best choice.

Your dreams might not come true. You might not achieve success, become rich or famous. People with way less talent than you might outdo you in what you tried to achieve. But if theres one thing i know, is that passions feed on themselves. Like real love for people. Loving your crafty, your passions is something that keeps youa live, even when frustration takes over. So it makes the present bearable if not the future.

See, my cyncicism is more of a "no day but today". If that wasnt a quote froma weird musical about gay hipsters, id say it.

There Might Be Light Beyond The Horizon

One: i'm aware that happy posts about positivity are frankly creepy and disgusting, as much as ultra negative ones, so, my fellow followers, try to take this one as an expression of me acknowledging that there still might be a glimmer of good in the darkness and a possibility for hope.

Two: the even that triggered this wave of feel good i'm trying to enjoy, doesnt involve me directly but a person i consider more than close, almost a good half of me. And even if people who think they know me, often label me as "egotistical", "self absorbed" and an asshole, i had more genuine happiness from this than i had in ages. Still, its not something that i have the right to describe in detail, so i'll try to express my feelings in general terms.

I am not going through a great time. There's a lot of frustration in my life, a sense of dryness. I am not satisfied with many choices i made and i need more means (especially economic) to do what i want with my future. And i often have the feeling i am not understood by a lot of people around me. Not in a victimistic way, simply as a consequence of my lack of patience for explaining things that cannot be easily solved and the side effects of my distress (for example a sever case of the shut ins, due to chronic tiredness).

Still, lat night, i learned that the strongest fighter i mert in my life, a lioness, a sweet hearted warrior with so many battle scars its not even cool, finally got a break. The system, the same society that always refused to acknowledge her and her need for help and awareness, apparetnly changed its mind and decided to help her. To, in metaphoric terms, hold her hand for this trip. She will get the help she deserves to grow stronger.

She's been improving, fighting, regaining her speed, striking back while still hurting, in the last years. She has never bowed down to the bad stuff that tried to break her, actually finding the energy to still be a strong person.

Yet, she needed help from people that could give her the means to survive and improve more. And up to now, and enraging wave of indifference seemed to rule. But yesterday, seems that her fairy charm also became a lucky one and suddenly things got full of hope for a future. If not a completely happy one, a hopeful one, where people are human again and care for others.

As i was trying to share this news with someone i know, this morning, i noticed that assholes are still there. Answer was "why do you care?". Because i love her. And because even if i would've fought until my hands turned into bloody stumps if i had to, and stood by her no matter what, knowing that she will not be alone and will be taken care of, is filling me with hope for better things and better people. And feeling her happy and overhwelmened, with a racing hearty, even if it was only on a series of typed words on a screen, made me feel true joy as i havent felt it in a long time.

Judge that as you wish. I dont need any approval.

Old Words, New Tricks

I'm far from a conservative or traditionalist guy. I'm all for fucking up the extabilished order of things and experimenting with, let's say, the ingredients of logic and life, to see what kind of results you get. But i'm also a person who is really in love with the emotional value that some conncepts or words have and i noticed with a little bit of bitter disappointment, how the few lines i like to draw in my reality are getting thin, fuzzy and confusing.

Yesterday, while reading some news, for example, i noticed a series of comments on the recent hacker attack on Sony's networks, and the lack of new information on their reaction. I wont go as far as commenting on the fact itself, but i noticed how many of the people who dropped their opinion loved to use the word "uprising" and "revolt".

Those two words have a strong meaning to me. By being an ex-social worker and a very socially conscious man, i am aware on how in, some places, the idea of "revolting" against an injustice, whetger it's a big or a small one is a powerful one. An uprising is an action, expressed concretely or through taking stances that might be risky or uncomfortable. Sometimes dangerous or even deadly.

Seeing the new jaded generation, who hardly has to fight for anything (and i'm aware of how "old-man-ish" this sounds, but it's true) and thinks a job, freedom of expression, money, food, equality and democracy are something you can take for granted, express disdain for things they're not really owed and use the concepts of reolution, revolt, boycotting and injustice to talk about it, gives me the creeps.

My country is going through a devastating moment of crysis. Both economical and social. unemployement is at scary rates. The job offers come from shady places and dont guarantee the minimal requirements to substain the increased price of living. Survival is a daily struggle. The acts of protest, revolt, voting are often dangerous and snarked at by an apthetic majority who'd rather run away or surrender to the negativity to gain some sort of sell out comfort which oftens goes away after a few. People sell out , only to find themselves severely fucked after a while.

Peopel are revolting somewhere but there's a silence cap on them. So seeing people have better conditions but act like they're not a big deal disgusts me.

Also. I will be called sexist for this but i dont understand the new idea of sex roles and the conept of family that is ruling the later generations. I keep seeing weak men and angry women that complain about having to do things that are supposed to be a pleasure or a part of life. Women that refuse to take care of their children after having them. That refuse to have anything female in their life roles. That refusae to be identified with anything feminine but feel hurt if they're treated in a non-lady way.

I see men being weak, childish and whiny. Refusing to have a minimal strength or an interest into providing security for their loved ones. Staying locked into a permanent state of childhood.

I see kids complaining how their parents disappoint them and yet refuseing to detach from them and acting as adults.

That might be a conservative view, a cranky one. But i knwo of people who fight to have normal, common lives, in spite of the difficulties presented to them. Gay people who want to form a families. People who cant have kids and try to care for them. Men and women trying hard to have a role while evrythign arounfd them is wanting to squeeze them. So when i see people having possibilities, love and chances and complaining those are not enough, i get sickened.

People are indifferent and spoiled. The generations before them fought to make them comfortable and free from any trouble, so they made up problems that have no meaning and labeled them wqith old words that for other people really means something: health, hunger, oppèression, lack of love, despair, depression, injustice, racism, hate. They cry as an oppressed bunch when they were never stuck into anything in their life. Maybe its time to be harsher and harder.

Let's Change The World By Mass Extermination

If you read this, my next statement might sound suyrprising: i have a severt contempt towards constantly angry people. I have a fiery temper, i get extremely pissed at small things and i usually live in a permanent state of furious disappointment and raging frustration, fueled by liters of coffee. Yet everytime i hear or read someone going on a monotone ramapge on how people suck and how said person is about to snap and kill everyone, my first reaction is to consider said person a sad sack, weho probably has no real reasons to get angry, has naturally weak psyche and focuses his frustration in a constant riover of angry staments, cause it's the only way to put them . And they usually hope someone is out there to listen and possibly does the horrendous mistake of reacting, even gently to their ouytpuring of freeform negativity.

Yet, as i leanred thorugh life, most people dont really have so many problems, if they do, they deal with them in private or talk about them with a few selected ones. Or in a low key manner. The ones who constantly cry or scream how they're just an inch from snapping at least five times a day, are usually pussies. And if theres still some logic left in the world, they will be left alone ranting.

That said i am also convinced that in an incresing number of daily situations, people need to be shot and killed without legal consequences. Since punching people in the nose is a legal trouble starter (and those are a chore, since lawyers are actually demons from the Nth circle of hell who make money by turning skirmishes into life destroying messes), i think there should be a quota for legal homicides. An ever expanding number of people deserves to be shot and put out of the universe for Darwinian Improvement. As a cure against mediocrity and misery.

I'll make a few examples, so you can follow my logic or just shake your head in disdain and feel superior before you post how you wanna kill yopurself since you have a leg cramp.

- Child Molesters and Rapists: These fellas should be a given, but you would be surprised at how many still refuse to accept that they dont contribute with anything positive to society. Lets just get rid of them and feed them to starving children, in a Dantesque fashion.

- Pro-Lifers: if Jesus is so important to you that you need to stick in front of clinics where they're doing is alowing women to make the choice they're entitled to do, as human being with rights (and no a fetus isnt a human being and has no rights. fact), scream insults and not listen to logical reasoning, let me help you rech your saviour faster. Be a martyr and go, you're wasting my oxygen

- Homophobes Of all Levels, including the closeted ones: to be clear, i am not counting only rampant gay bashers in this category. I am aiming even more at people who declare themselves ad tolerant and open minded but then say they find "gayness" irritatiung, refuse to approve same sex marriage, laugh at homosexuals, make homophobic jokes that arent funny (i like gay jokes too, but you stating how "fags dies of aids" isnta joke, refuse to acknowledge that homosexuality isnt a choice, that transgeneders are what they feel they are and not what their body is and that you're not "telling it like it is" but you're just an ingorant piece of shit.... Then your existence on the planet has no purpose.

- People who take their frustration on their children: i dont care if you think you're parent of the year. If you ever thought even for a second that your child is responsible for you not doing what you wanted to do in life, made him ro her feel resposnibel for your failures, gave him guilt for not being up to your expexctations, forced him to do things he didnt want to do cause you wanted to have alittle you but better.... You need to be castrated and hung in front of you porch.

- People who think animal cruelty is ok, cause its just animals and the opposite: i cant stand anyone who justifies their own sadistic nature and inflicting torture to animals as "a normal thing". I dont give a fuck if you were rised by some psychotic inbred who taught you that beating your dog to death is good, you cant. And i dont care if you had a kid and suddenly you dont feel the same parental love for your pets anymore, you still have to care for them. Every animal is a creature with feelings, you dont have to be an animal lover to understand this. Its a matter of decency. Being cruel to animals, or thinking that its not a big deal is a symptom of being a sociopath. So i dont need you.

On a similar topic but on the opposite side, i have no place for people who obsess over their pets or animals so much that they forget nhow to have feelings for human beings. If you love your cat so much that you post pictures of him every three seconds but you hyave no feelings for people that arent of contempt and disgust, you're a bad person and you're not needed.

- People who forget that common courtesy is a duty: If i ask you something nicely and you dont even takje the time to answer ina decent manner, you havfe to die. If i am working at a customer care, tech support or similar and i am being polite with you, and you act like a douche because your position makes you feel entitled to treat me like shit, you have to die. On the other side, if i am being reasonable but you dont listen cause youre following a script or cause you're taking out your undepraid frustration on me, you die. No one has the right to be rude, no matter what position they're in. No one has the right to be snarky or condescending. If you do, i dont need you.

- People who think apthy is a right: Participating in the workings of society is a duty. You have to work, to vote, to express your opinion and give a shit about what happens around you. Apathy is disgusting and apathy justified as a "right to not care" is even worse. Dont mask your inability to raise your fat ass froma cocuh and your lack of a soul and balls as some controversial statement making. You are in a democracy: act accordingly. People fight for the right to vote and be citizens, all rights that you seem not to give a fuck about. So either man up or disappear.

Feel free to comment.

The Family Disruption System

Social experiment number 666.

A bunch of bloos related individual are put into an experimental cage and given the possibility to communicate through some device, like two yoghurt cups and a wire. The perfect results in this experiment are obtained when utilizing members of a nuclear family that are currently estranged. Ideal compition is: Father (possibly old, cantankerous and mean), Mother (frustrated, sarcastic and a bit shifty), Son/Daughter (aged, weathered by life and basically well intentioned). Add brother/sister for extra side effects.

The subjects must not be able to actually communicate directly or in real time. Facial expression have to be hinted, and all dialogue must happen through said device or, even better, through virtual and disembodying instruments.

The experiment can reach a surreal, almost medieval quality if in-laws and spouses are added to the mix.

Possible Development Of The Experiment

Subject Son/Daughter communicates a factoid to Father during a bond forming at conversation.

Subject Father, after adding that subject son is a pussy, a homsoexual and a disgrace (with no real reason), informs son that he actually cares a lot about said factoid. He inform the son that he will probably die in a month, after some illness, recently diagnosed. He wants to make things better and will use said factoid as a personal confidence between father and son.

Subject Son, even if the "i am about to die" sentence has occurred many times in the last lapse of time, without any death ever happening, fells moved and guilty for the ast skirmishes between them. He feels tyhat the sharing of the factoid will be a powerful base to build a good relationship, especially sonsidering that his mother is growing more and more unstable daily and told him she would've gladly aborted him if she had the chance, last time they talked.

Subject Son feels a sudden renwed burts of affection for his father, feeling a broken relationship rebuild like in a stupid movie.

Actual "love you" phrases are exchanged.

(Time Lapse)

Call from Subject Mother. She attacks verbally Subject Son.

Subject Son pays no attention, since that happens daily. Yet, this time the attack is based on the confidential discussion that happened between him and Subject Father. The factoid has immediately been yapped between the two, who, even if they're basically separated, apparently spend most of their lives chatting on the phone about their faimilies and exchanging unpleasantries.

Subject Father has apparently told her a botched up, heavily modified version of the factoid, adding nonexistent details and various insults to her person. Also he added "he's always been a bastard, he will tell you a different story but he lies. you should've aborted him".

Subject Mother fueled herself with alchol, added some other details in her head and decided to call her son on his work phone, making his coworker snicker at her incoherent babbling, and insult him violently. She also adds that SUbject Father isnt ill and made his diagnosis up. Again.

Subject Son lets thing go. Tells himself to control himslef, then cannot and calls Subject Father to ask for clarification.

Subject Father answers "i never said that. you're making this up. actually what are you talking about, asshole?" "that thing i told you in confidence. you promised youw ould keep it to yourself" "i never said that. i dont even remeber you talking to me. youre making it up. of course you're sad and alone. your mother has gone insane because of you. i got cancer because of you" "dad..." "shut up. are you drunk? at work? do you want me to die?"....

Conversation quits with insults.

Repat until Subject Son goes insane and kills everyone.

A Moment Of Unclarity

I'll try to describe the moment.

I slept badly tonight. Lot of heavy dreams, covered with a thick, strange, black goo, that reproduce moments of the daily drag, in a more oxygen deprived way. Some sort of Groundhog Day replaying of embarassign crap, coupled with immagination and fear. Then waking up like i'm rising from a swamp of tar, breathing badly. My brain trying to run off the clutch of sleeping pills, which give me the ability to actually sleep a number of hours and get some slight third rate addict buzz but put my dreamin into a vice, making it drown slowly and making a chore of getting out of it.

I feel like i'm about to die when i open my eyes. The night out has left nothing but a slight, sour taste of pointless, funless, pretending.

When the sun is up on full throttle, it's when the chemicals in my head are at their lowest spot. The moment i'm awake, i just want to sleep more. I hate being awake. Even if i had nightmares. And i hate being awake on a sunaday even more. A sunday is a long drag, made of daylight, fake social happiness and free tiem to think about disappointments. So i'd rather be hung over like i used to. Have a series of symptoms that could justify this. Although i cant stand the hangover now, the nausea, the shivers, the headaches, cause they would just hold hands withg my brain and turn this shit pit into something even tighter.

I just wanna sleep again, possibly not wake up. Still i cant sleep much more.

So its time to wake. I chat a bit with the person i love the most in this world and it makes me feel like everything is going to be alright for a minute. I try to rest some morre and fail. Panic creeps in.

I have to drink coffee, add my natural uppers, just to fight the meds trying to mute my head anbd be on a decent level. Its what suyicidal drugged up star do. I used to do worse, i actually did it with drugs and medicines, no its only with natural stuff, if possible. Having to pop pills cause therapy made me, then taking natural uppers to avoid going too low.

Today they go in the wrong direction and they help terror being stronger. Things seem sdo black today. I dont like the way things are going, i dont like my life. I cant complain to pfirends too much cause i know these moments come and go and when they're here, there is no solution. I would suck them dry and make them hate me, it happened before. there's no fixing for this. all i have to do is wait for it to go.

Still. Its like the walls are closing in. I dont know why, but i keep checking my txts and thinking why such and such hasnt talked to me in a while. Maybe, its because i havent called them, ever, and been a complete douche. And yet my head takes the cue and starts spinning. I feel like i did it all wrong. My job was a mistake, my solitude will kill me. I can fuck but i cant love. I am a walking dead. And i hate whining, even to myself.

The heat is suffoicating and my heart is racing. The head feels like a thousand nails are diggin in. The blood pressure raises and i feel the mental pain become physical. For a second, i really want to die.

Clench teeth and focus. I can get out of this. I have to.

Ethnography For Insane Geeks

After an enlightening conversation with my dapper pal Tony, i was taken by this mind expanding idea, which will help you see the world with different eyes and realize how small you are, especiallyy considering theres a rapture coming and god is probably a small kitten with tourette's.

Having done social studies for a bit and realized what a ball busting chore actual ethnographies are (most of them are either old studies of villages of tiny black men with weird sexual rituals or large internet communities of perverted basement dwellers), i decided to apply a sociological views on what really matters in this world: pop culture and cool silliness. You'll realize how stuff that you never viewed with analytical eyes suddenly makes more sense. I am a genius, i know. Self Appreciation Time for me, fuckahs.

The Racist Wet Dream aka Smurfsville

Ok, this one is pretty obvious, and i am not the first one who figured that one out: the Smurfs are a racist, inbreeding society, something between a KKK memebr's and a nazi's wet dreams put together.

They have all the features that fit the utopia. They are one race with very little distinguishing features, they are all blue. They all dress the same, and besides some commie fag hippies that popped out in the late years, they're mostly indistinguishable. They have one ancient leader that dresses in a distinguished fashion and benevolently controls their life with in a stern but widely accepted way. They do gathjerin gs where they chant disturbing songs. They speak their own language. They live in their own village and apparently are all related to each other. The only female member of the society is a teutonic blonde and is basically a sexual object that evryone swoons over but actually never touches. Their main enenemy is a big tall Jew Wizard (did you LOOK at Gargamel? He is totally Jewish).

And if that isnbt enough, take a classic story as an example: the only time a black smurf pops up is because of an evil disease and he is treaten as a dirty, filthy, malevolent infection.

Sieg Smurf!

Dude, That is Soooo Roar : Fast Times At Dinosaur High

According to recent statements, T-rex's chased in packs.

A normal person wouldve read that and said, "yeah so?". I thought, with help from Tony, how t-rex semmed to be stupid, big, goofy and now how they seemed to group together for that and figured out: they were Jocks. Big frat boys with little brains and a grunting temper that bullied around the world of dinosaurs. They ahd to do dinosaur jeg stands, slap gazelles into the butt and walk, have weird dinosaur sex in the whowers with each other.

It makjes perfect sense. T-Rex's shoved other, shorter dinoasurs, like triceratops, into volcanos, called them queers, and stole their gazelle money. Brontosaurus were big and peaceful stoners who were kinda bullied too but generally stood by themselves. Pterodaptyls were never really at school, just roamed around with their own gang, dealing stuff on the rooftops.

Velociraptors were the psycho kids, roamed sorund causing fear, and were looked badly by everyone.

Then a giant meteor called dwonsizing came and shut the school down.

("dont youuuuuu... forget about meeeeeee.....")

The Sad Village Of Tetris

The small village of tetris is overpopulated. So little space and too many kids and families. Each second, new babies are born, and since abortion is considered quitting the game, the only way out for the tetrisians is for a line to climb over the border and get to freedom and jobs as janitors anhd whores.

But its a fight, cause those babies and old people keep piling up and overcrowding the houses and hospitals. You must do something. Have you got no heart? Help them escape throughy freedom and green cards! Every person you pile wrongly, is a starving baby whos crying and watching you with empty broken eyes....

Love is Louder, So I'm Told: Learning To Love And Live with Illness

There are times in life where everything goes the way it's supposed to. Where your projects kinda get done, where you meet the right people and things seem to be going all right. Some other days, the flow of misfortune seems to be all over you. Everything is going wrong and you feel like you hit a streak of bad days.

And then someone you love gets diagnosed with something really bad.

I talked about Lupus a lot recently, you know how a person i deeply care for deals with that daily and fights. Stil that wasnt the only case like that. In the last, say, five years of my life, the majority of my friends had to deal with aloved one, their spouse, father, mother, brother, being dignosed with cancer, leukemia, lupus, multyple sclerosis, AIDS....

Some had it in a different way and found their loved one coping with drug addiction, depression, alcoholism, which no matter how you want to see it, are diseases.

It happens, with a recurrence that has something unearthly, like whatever believers want to call god, is set on systematically hitting people at their most vulnerable and then crush them slowly. That is kinda how it feels at first. My father has been diagnosed with cancer three times, and went under chemo and surgery every time. I dont have a good relationship with him and yet, feelin he was about to die was a kick to the balls.

My mother is a dysfunctional alcoholic, lately slipping into mental illness. I dont have a good relationship with her either and still, i feel like i HAVE to deal with it somehow.

Having someone close to you, whether you're on good terms with them or not, trust me it doesnt change things a bit, no matter how tough and jaded you think you are, is an experience EXTREMELY different from having the disease yourself. Not surprisignly, thers quite thte number of books and FAQ's for families or parteners of chronically ill people, substance abusers or terminally ill patients. Even less surprisingly, they help very little.

The road is hard and full of bumps but the main point is this: you have to ride it to the end, no matter how hard it gets. Itr's not because of morals or because you have to be a good person. Not even because you have to make better witjh people before they eventually die, there's a high chance it will not happen. On the contrary, ill people often get worse with their sickness. So you may see your loved ones trn into something you dont even recognize with time, and you might feel your devotion fade. Its human, it can happen. And if you never got along, things wont get better, necessarily. You wont feeel a better person. You wont gain a newly rebuilt relationship. You might have particularly intimate momenhts with them, but those moments might not last, and things will go back where they were or deteriorate.

Still, you have to do it. For yourself too. Trust me, when someone you always thought as a presence in your exiustence,m suddenly has a high chance of diappearing, and goes through pain and the humiliation of most treatments, something will click inside you.

You will find being close to them natural, instinctive. You cant solve things, and even if you always need you should've done more, you're just a human being and in some cases, your powers are very limited. But what you have to do is BE THERE. Always. Frot he small things, for chats, for dinners, for rides and walks. And for the bad times, suregeries, chemo runs, night in the hospital, moments of despair and anger (and there will be lots of those). You wont need to say always the right things, sometimes you will feel like a major fuckup. But BE THERE. ALWAYS.

It will be hard, at times almost impossible, but it wioll be probably the most important step in your life. Be there. And be strong. In private you can cry, a lot. As much as you want, theres no reason to hold the tears and ask for help and support. You wont enecessarily get it, most people dont understand. People who never dealt with this, will never get it. And some people who did, will think that the only real hard time was theirs not yours and that you're just overacting. But do not pay attention to that. You'll deal with cruelty later.

Now you have to stick with the ones you love and help them through this long ass road. Which might end well but also not. And you'll have to be there at the end too. I know it sounds bad, but when you do it, it will be the only choice that makes sense.

And in the end, youll understand that even if you felt useless, you made a difference. Cause you were there.

Feel Free to comment, btw.

Zen And The Art Of Being Cunty

There's some days which are just some of those days.

You woke up and your back hurts, you have a migraine, your mouth tastes like shit. There was no coffee in the house, your spouse/partner/roommate forgot to get it or you did. They also treated you like a stinky crap filled doormat with a badly drawn snowman on, cause they are having a bad day too. You didnt answer cause you have to live with them and if you DID answer, it would mean days and days of silent torture or ear scorching bitching, and your stomach hurts enough without that.

So you went to a bar and you overheard people having a conversation on how niggger-fag-commiues are the reason for everything wrong in this world, and how if it was for them they would shoot everyone. Also women are all bitches. But you didnt intervene in the argument cause they never learn, theyre not designed to do so. Also they have way much more free time than you do and seem to love spending it arguing the same points over and over and over until you want to die.
So you just went in line and tried to pay your coffee, and dodged an old lady who had to tell te cashier about her dog Waldo's diarrhea problems. And when you asked her nicely if she could let you pas, she snarked at you and called you a rude youngster, while the cashier went on a break.

You got to work and the computer had a system failure, thanks windows. No one in the whole fucking office seemed to know how to fix things and were all waiting for you to do it. So while the boss screams at you to go faster, unless you want to go work somewhere else and your coworkers laugh behind your back, including the illiterate secretary who basically has her desk cause she has a gaping vagina the size of Kentucky.

After five system restorings, you give up and call tech support, where they are as stressed as you are and neither of you has the strength or will to solve the issue. Plus you have a waiting call from your mother which just needs to tell you what a sad disappointment you are, no matter what you do or say.

Many would say that the right path for you would be to be a bigger person, take the higher road, react with calm and a smile, act zen like, shrug it off. But people who say that are often unemployed or always had their road paved with other people's corpses. They have no fucking idea.

So feel free, for once and for all: be an asshole. Mistreat people, answer rudely, tell your mom to shut the fuck up, have a field day, do not feel bad.

You have the right to get angry once. You have the right to be selfish, cruel and mean. You OWE to yourself to tell people to back off and learn how to figure out shit on their own. To ask for things and call people idiots if they dont get them. Yes, society needs tolerance but piling up stuff inside burns up your soul. So, youre allowed to be openly snarky and abrasive and NOT feel bad or guilty. Fuck them. You have given your part, been there for everyone and been a delightful person. Now its your turn to make a few days ugly and miserable. Its your little present to yourself.

Then you can go back to being a good person, if you want. Lighter, like a butterfly who just had a giant smelly dump.

A Special Post: Uncast

I listen to many podcasts, some of them handled by people i know and care for, but in this specific case, the universe decided to put my three favourite people, three of the friends i hold closest to my heart, all in one show.

If you're reading this and thinking i'm biased, skip it and go kill yourself with a rusty spoon.

Uncast, started as a great experiment in freeform podcasting by two married highschool sweethearts (typing this is giving me the creeps, even if i've known it for a long time now) and overall hilarious people, named Dainel and Victoria. They had a bunch of guests on the show and covered any sort of topic, serious or not. That said, their chemistry is what could draw in even the most jaded listener.

Where Victoria is a sexy voiced, super smart, hilarious, joyfully twisted and engaging lady, Daniel, while still being funny as fuck, loves to play the calmer, ironic, while warm and loveable straight man. A straght man you wanna hug.

And the whole chemistry got to a whole special level with the addition to the team of a thrid host: Rhian, the lady who owns 99% of my heart and manages to be the perfect balance of sweet, sultry and humorous.

The result is a series of shows that go all over theplace, are deliriously funny, charming, dirty, moving and about everything. You will laugh, say "oh no that's inappropriate", learn about things you wouldve never even thought of, pile up audio porn moments (thanks to the combined powers of Rhi and Victoria's vocal talents and dirty minds, which you can also check on their other podcast TiltedHaloCast), connect with the plight of the sweet hearted male through Daniel.

And theres one more reason to check it out. Take a listen to the latest show. You need to. What you'll be able to hear on it, is the most candid, raw, heartmelting and honest description about life with lupus, that you will ever hear, anywhere. A talk between Daniel And Rhian that just informs and warms the soul, while getting you completely caught in the story of an extraordinary being for more than two hours. Its sweet and amazing and NEVER begging for compassion.

Do yourself a favour and listen, you'll love it. seriously.

http://www.uncast.net

The Magnificiousliness Of Nature

Yesterday, a lot of my frienbds and contacts were staring at the sky by proxy, admiring the beauty of the universe and the vastity of the skies. Which means they were in front of a computer looking at the Nasa launch.

I am far from being one of those potato headed individuals who think feeling awe and wonders for nature and science is stupid. I honestly think that allowing such individuals to reproduce is a crime against humanity and slowly causing society to creep backwards to a state of mentally challenged, inbred ignorance that will evntually cause humanity to either die off of sheer uselessness (which is my hope) or just become a society ruled by morons who exploit the intelligent ones.

Besides the ranting, which i really needed to feel better, i am also interested in the magnificience of nature and its weirdest creations. Some of them even went unnoticed by serious scientitsts, anbd i feel aits my duty to point them out. Weird creature, no researcher seems to pay attention to but are there...

- The PhotoShopimals

These weird cretaures seem to be all over the world, beinhg constantly photographed and exposed on websites, while no one appears to know anything on their behaviors or where they live. A few examples that come to mind are the Crippo (which you can see in this post main pic, as its photographed by a farmer in Kwalazambefelewa), part crab, part hippo, the Sharkitten, a very dangerous cross between a kitten and a shark, which seems to breed only by full moon, when kittens have sex with sharks on the shores of the isle of Qqwhevfcugwaeu and which are only photographed in a static position with jaws wide open. Less diffused but still present are Parrotdog and Tigerbunny.

- The SciFiChannelmals

An unwritten and unpublished study has pointed out a relationship between thjose magnificient examples of nature's will to exploit the DirectToDvd market and the Photoshopmals. The difference is that while the Photoshopmals are usually harmless and usually only portrayed in pictures, The SciFiChannelmals are aggressive, want to conquer the world, feed only on humans, planes and boats, fight each other a lot and love to be filmed for documentaries that are usually shown on the Sci Fi Channel for drunk nerds. One of the fiercest examples of this breed is Sharktopus, tremendous fighter (some even call him "the Hulk Hogan of the species"). His throne might be in danger after the newly sightings of the infamous OctoBunny....

- The CuteOverloadians

Many scientists have confused this breed with a series of baby kittens, dogs, rabbits or other small animals. It has been proven by the never seen reaserch studies of Non Existent Expert Professsor Hufurhurrur, that in reality the CuiteOverlloadians are a much bleaker reality.

Affected by a rare form of genetical dwarfism, the CuteOverlodians never reach adult size and develop an oversized intelligence. Plagued by the inability of survival in their natural habitat, they decide to use their appearance to exploit the internet market, and sell their looks to ruthless photogrpahers. The Cuteoverlodians pornography market is a sad business. Some become professionals, unionized and star in movies but most of them are condemened to a whole existence of cheap uncredited photoshots in basements, for which their paid with counterfeit Cheeseburgers, the infamous Cheezeburgerz.

It has also been found and proven that some CuteOverloadians are drugged with the terrible substance Didascalia, a drug that forces them to express in mispelled english.

Action groups have tried to save the Overloadians from their sore fate but the main customers of the market seem to not care. as quoted in the research an anonymous customer has declared "SQUEEEE LOLZ!!!111111"

Add your findings, scientists.

Cleaning Out The Closet

It's still spring right? I cant figure out the middle seasons, as long as there isnt snow on the ground and im not on vacation, i cant really pinpòoint spring. Anyway, that means Spring CLeaning time, right?

Wait before you run away, thinking i'm about to list my favourite detergents, my main point today is one type of clean-up i think everyone should do at some point, and spring, since it comes before the whimsical joys of summertime, its a good moment to do it.

I'm talking about excessive human clean-up.

Yeah. You got it. I dont mean that in a nazi-like way. Not at all. What i mean is, picking a day and a moment and get rid in a definitive manner of people you dont need, that are a burden to you or simply that have no point being dragged into your existence because they dont contribute in any way to it.

I think that refreshing your contacts on twitter or any social network, giving a clean up of your phone book or any list of contacts, is basically a marvelous metaphoric way to do it. Lots of times, the actions that you do through intertnet, to virtual contacts and disembodied people are very close to the sort of actions you should do in day to day living, only made easier by the haziness and lack of actual emotional responses behind them. In easier terms you can get rid of someone more easily if you dont see their faces or hear their voices.

Cutting off relationship in an absolute way is still hard, but when it comes to unneeded people, you have to free your life from excess baggage. Your daily survival requires you to think of yourself first and eventually the ones yoiu love. If you're a person who likes to be generous and caring for others, you are a treasure but deep inside your heart you know that somehow that is taking a toll on you.

So what i am advising here isnt to become a hermit and tell everyone to fuck off. Just take a moment, during a good day and do this:

- List down your contacts or take an already existing list. The very superficial ones can go already during the process. Unless you need them for working or practical purposes, you dont need their info or their numbers. Off they go.

- Now look at this list. Think of thew people you REALLY care about and NEED in your life. They have to be people that make your life better, that are there when you neewd them and not only when they need you. Peopèlew you think about and not only occasionally cause some automated alert reminded you it was their birthday. People you had an actual conversation of meaning in recent times. That have a role in your life. That have a positive purpose in your existence.

If you did this last step correctly, the list should be a lot shorter. Get rid of leeches, of people that you actually dislike, hate or dont really care about. Erase them, without thinking twice and being "nice". Being a good person doesnt mean keeping useless baggage or poison. You dont need 80% of the people you have in your existence. Some, you're forced to deal with, but they're like bad furniture, sooner or later, theyll get tossed away too.

Erase everything about them and never ever think about them again. Make it a goal to do so. Dont answer texts, emails or calls. No "merry christmas", "how is it going", "happy birthday".

To use a true story: if you make up a fake birthday on Facebook and people line up to say Happy Birthday, those people must go.

Dont fear the possibility of isolation. It wont happen. You'll find new people to waste time with, eventually and they'll get refreshed too when they cease to give you happiness. Kepp close the good ones and forget the rest. You do not need them.

After this simple process, you'll feel lighter. You might panic a bit, cause of guilt. But trust me: you're doing the right thing. Spring Cleaning. Now you're ready for the real summer.

Word Wizards: Dean Mayes

I wanna dedicate this post top a dear friend of mine who also happens to be a greast writer at his first novel. With the viral spreading of the internet, a lot of people, through the limitless medium of digital books, audio books and unofficial distribution channels, have an increased possibility of publishing their writings and have them read by a larger amount of people.

That creates a larger audience and avoids the chore of dealing with the more scum baggy independent publishers, who (like in my own case) often force the writer to basically loose tons of money to follow his dream.

The only drawback in this, is that nowadays the readers are submerged with stuff to read and a lot of them might not be as good. So the laziness and apathy towards the good ones might increase too. Dean, while being also a very smart, honest and raw person, is with no doubt a talented writer.

His "Hambledown Dream", which he's ditributing through both printed and digital channel, at a price so low, you really have to be a cheap bum not to get it, is a gem of a debut novel: poetic, emtoional, evocative and real.

The story, while dealing with love, passion, death and the other world, manages to strike all sort of emotions while reading. It's a story of extraoprdinary happernings, but its also a raw display of true feelings and raw moments of beauty. It grabs you, even if you're a jaded being like i am, and his prose is simple, but magical, for the way it just pushes the right buttons with the right words, and sets a chain of feelings that haunts you down to the last page.

The man deserves support and attention and money to do something more. So get this one now.

http://www.deanfromaustralia.com/p/books.html

Ha Ha, That's So Interesting : Tales Of Survival At a Social Comeback

Have you ever been part of a "Scene"?

Well, ok, i'm aware that maybe this type of old man lingo might sound alien or outdated to the younger ears between you. Let me explain.

Before internet became the main tool of communication and "virtual communities" started to pop out and enable tyhe glueing between complete strangers that in most cases shouldnt have ever met, the main instrument to survive the utter boredom of living in suburbia without turning to the ovecrowded and hyper expensive clubs, was entering a "Scene".

Where other people spent their free t9ime going where most people went, hung out there paying a shitton of money for drinks and if they were lucky they got laid, but in most cases they just got high or drunk, scene people did that but in a setting where you hung out with people with a common interest, or proclivity towards a certain look or attitude.

My own "scene" of choice was, for years, the Glam Rock/Hair Metal Scene. Metal Heads were too ugly and isolated, dance music people were a bunch of trashy messes and got more high then blown in bathrooms and going to parties to hear Motley Crue and Guns N Roses, dressed up to kill, was fucking fun.

You met interesting people, listened to a whole lot of cool tunes, saw great live bands, got pretty and dressed as a rockstar and met girls who maybe werent as sexual as they wanted to appear but still, could give youa good time and werte fun to hang out with. Lot of high hells, stockings, make up, bathroom sex, booze, coke, bisexuality and guitar riffs. That was cool enough to make your life great and your head aching in the morning. The days went away while you were waiting for the nights to soar.

Yet, time goes by, and i had to give up, for many reasons. Deporession, too much alcohol, the need for a change of air. Couldnt party as hard as i used to. i got tired, mentally exhausted. Life broke me down and the energy i had needed to be devoted to rebuild my mental strength, instead of taking excessive care to my look, buying cool clothes, building my image. Going out as John Travolta did in Saturday Night Fever, knowing that the night was going to be the time to strut and be watched, the moment of greatmness before the sea of mnediocrity of the week, was great, but also destructive.

I needed to disappear. And i did. Listened to other things, found different communities, changed.

Few nights ago, i did a comeback, by mere chance. Michael Monroe, one of the icons of those times, was playing clòose to my home, and the whole Scene would've been there. It could have been a celebration, not necessarily a comeback, but a good test for my ability to still have fun into the old settings. And while the natural dramatic ending to this story would be a tragic one, where i learn that my new life is better and everyone has moved on, that wouldnt be correct.

I had fun. Slept too little, listened to good music and.... examined how things develop under the power of time.

Still, i had to experiment a few survival techniques, which you might iuse too, if you8 ever try something similar:

- If you moved away from one of those scenes where you all knew each other, hung out at every possible oiccasion and used to see each opther more than your own families, theres a good chance that a lot of people will remember you. You wont remember them, though. Youy probably replaced their face files in your brain with new onesx, maybe they didnt. So they will either treat you like a traitor and ignore you in an overt manner (which is perfectly fine, since you can ignore them back, enjoying the fine art of being rude) or try to strike a conversation. In the last sad occurrence, you will have to practice your "oh yeah, i remember you" face. Needs practice, smile a lot, and dont stare too long. If they catch you or you openly admit your failure, the problem wont be awkwardness but the angry despair that will filll them after the realization that oiut there, people dont know who they are, or if they do, its not that important.

- If you actually strike a conversation expecta lot of "whats new" and "how you doin". Nothing wrong with that but it might feel weird when you got married, had 3 kids and they all got exterminated by a serial killer hippo a year ago. Some wont be aware of that. People who are obsessively part of a scene live in their own bubbles and ignore anything that happens outside of it (sometimes even inside of it, since they often are in an advanced state of mental decay). So if back then you had a partener with whom you broke up hastily and you show up without them, they will ask. If the partner was the main person, the questions will be downright brutal ("Noooooooo. He was soooo cooooool."). They will try to console you to get in your pants and bust your balls all over. Get ready to go back in time and be patient.

- If they are the one witha troubled life, they will tell you. If they broke up a year ago with a long time lover, they will get drunk, tell you everything and bore you shitless, even if you already knew. See, nothing is better for a depressed person than new people to cry with, so you will have to nod and be sympathetic. Maybe listen to the same points a few times, if the case is very pathetic. In this case be patient too. Choose if it's the case to get sympathy fucks or not. It could be very sad and ugly and drag you back into a weird place

- It doesnt matter if you realized that the music you listened to sucked ass and you think that dressing that way ius retarded. DO NOT TELL THAT TO ANYONE: These people are like War Vet who got shellshocked and think the world is still how it was 30 years ago. they are probably balòding, fat, wrinkled and most of what they put 99% of their hjeart into is outdated and ridiculous. their outfits look weird on them and when they stare you down like you're insane for becoming "normal", you'll have to shrug that off. Its their life, it's what keeps them standinh. You arent better than them because you changed as much as they arent better than you cause they didnt. Its happenstance. Relive the good times and the bad ones as a half outsiders. you might even enjoy it. Dont be snarky and cynical, no need for that.

See thats the main point. You had fun. Time convinced you that you have "matured" or "aged". You didnt. You have changed. Maybe for better or maybe for worse. Still you used to be one of them and you used to love it. Dont forget that and dont act superior. You'll never be superior no matter what. Fun is what it's all about.

Be A Pervert

Lets talk about the one thing that can really make the woeld go 'rounbd and improves life considerably: perviness.

It came out discussing my taste with people, but it seems like i'm a sexual freak. I spent a lot of my sexual maturation surrounding myself with the right people, genrally all into experimentation. open sexual discussion and boundary pushing. In my own way i developed my taste for pleasure wi9th this giant and important rule: as long as you're with the right person, everything can give you pleasure, if you do it the right way.

Respecting other pèeople's boundaries and limits is important into building the right chemistry, thats a given. Still, i've been noticing and feeling a bit disappointed at how a lot of people who are approaching their pleasure, lately are way too limited about it. Both men and women, whatever their preferences are. I keep hearing about people thinking butt play, fetishes, s/m, spanking, any type of stiumlations that goes outside of the linear vanilla stuff is "gross", "freaky" or "too much". I keep hearing men brag about their sex life as an imitation of porn posture, all about the size of their cocks (which is important, but to acertain level, i think) and about slamming the poor girl fast and hard, which eventually ends being quick. That also turned a lot of female heads into the fucked up direction where all men want is to cum, and are unable to enjoy the trip and try new stuff. Which isnt true.

Honestly, i will talk about myself, since i am feeling a bit unsatisfied lately. Being a pervwert and a freak who's into trying everything at least once, is funh. Its ok to have quirks, and onjce you tune up those, you can have something that not only gives you the greatest feeling that your body can have but also makes your head (which is as powerful as sex organ as your genitals) and emotions work at 300%.

Its ok to have fetishes, if you like feet, hands, legs, the butt, the muscles everything, you should be allowed to indulge in it. If you like to have your lover dressed in some way, or dress in some fashion, you should try. Lick and scuk evrything you like and they want you to. You might needc a bit to get used to it, buit it will help you unlock stuff in them that will only bring good.

Its ok to find pain pleasurable, if handled corrctly. Sex shops and adam and eve have some costraints, collars, chains, whips and toys that can make your body a map of exquisite tortures and exploration. You only have to find the right teacher or disciple, connect and try everything. Knife play, candlewax, pins, canes or belts. Nothing goos as a nice bruise to worhsip as a sign of passage.

Role play is fun. Everything your pervert head creates can be pure bliss. A repressed fantasy is the only one that really hurts. Not trying out your desires, even the dark ones, is immense frustration., Yes, respecting the other person comes first, but always give it a try.

And finally: there isnt anything wrong with men who enjoy butt play. Men have erogenous zones in the most weird places. I had to come to terms, and explain many times to my partners, that my whole body is an erogenous zone, including my asshole. play with the whole me, and i will rewardìd you with long wild worshipping. And if you are into it, i am all for you fucking me in the butt. We are each other's fuck toy and that is what i like. Deal with it.

Feel free to add and discuss.

The Wolf And The Butterfly

Today is World Lupus Day. A day devoted to worldwide recognition to an illness would normally stike my self-absorbed and cynical heart as weird and, maybe, pointless. Normally, i would whink what difference does a day make and what's special about Lupus?

For my brief stint into social work, i havce encountered a lot of NPO's that tried to deal with illnesses of various kinds: AIDS, cancer, autism, leukemia.... But weirdly enough, i only really knew what Lupus really was when i met a person who fought against it.

As that person dug through the scales that cover my heart and won me with her natural beauty that permeates every single bit of her, i decided to learn more.

Lupus is an invisible illness. It is still largely mysterious and unresearched. It damages the person body, making it so that it deteriorates fast and brutally, while their defense system attacks them. Its a cancer without the flamboyance. It damages their organs, their hair, makes them loose weight, and the ability to do anything without being hit by chronic unstoppable pain. Makes them bedridden, unable to eat properly, forces them into doing tests and treatments that are basically chemo but have a slightly lowere chance to stop the illness. There is no cure.

But the worse part is the utter indifferenc e or disdain with which it's seen. Since i learned about it and discussed it with people i have heard the true dark side of humanity. And i am not the ill one. Ive heard people talking about how it is a "fake disease", how it can be cured but its not worth it cause it's not as diffused or easily exploitable my phramacutical companies as other diseases are. I heard people saying how trying to diffuse awareness about it (like i try to do) is a waste of time and money, cause its not as pressing as other issues. How giving kindness to a loved one who's ill and trying to fight for making their life better, because they have made yours better too by simply existing is pointless and "a burden" cause "in the end they will die". I heard people addressing victims of lupus as psychosomatic, liars, attention seekers. I saw the system ignore them, cause there isnt a cure on the horizon and the symptoms are silent and quiet while letrhal. Cause it isnt glamorous enough to call for a pitiy party.

I remembered why i hate people.

But still, the main reason for me knowing about this also reminded me what love is. How a< person, no matter what their troubles are, and how distant they are from you, can improve your life exponentially even just by existing and deciding to share their existence with yours. How their fight isnt all they are, how they can be beautiful, gracious, charming and shine with a brighter light than anyone else, that gives meaning to every second you share with them. A meaning that nothing and no one else can give. And not cause they are ill but because they are magical in spite of their illness. I have known such a person for more than a year and i've seen her fight against lupus and being strong and beautiful. An angel and a magnificient woman that makes me happy and feel lucky just for knowing her. And want to give her back even a tenth of what she gives to me daily. Even only by lketting the world know that this illness exists and it touches the lives of people who need help.

If you had at least one person in your life that was important and ever cared about them, think about this and atr least talk about ti with someone else. Do not sayt that it's "life". It's not how its supposed to be. BVeing cynical, indifferent or callous about this is even more dangerous than the illness itself. You kill people with indifference too, and you put them through torture that they do not deserve. You dont have to give money, for now. Just acknowledge this and diffuse the awareness. Love helps, and theres so little of it.

http://www.lupusuk.org.uk

http://rhian-smokeandmirrors.blogspot.com

The Anything Block

Wether you have experienced depresssion or weird chemical imbalances or not, you might have enocuntered the abysmal weirdness of "The Block". Creative people talk about their writer/painter/whatever's block, but the syndorme expands to something larger for whoever has some sort of brain dysfunction.

I've been fighting with this, as a result of some strange side effect of the change of season, couypled with a non-stellar period on an emotional level. Seems like my brain is getting used to meds and doesnt cope with negativity as well as it should, so after a stressing weeks, it's spilling nega-juice all over itself. The main effect is panic, a general sense of bad mood, half the day (especially the day section) being very difficult and almost torturous to get through. And "The Block"

"The Block" manifests itslef like some weird glue has been pured inside your brain. Where my neural cells usually pop and sparkle with thoughts and ideas, the main feeling in these days is a blank buzz. Not only i have no ideas or even bad ones: the brain is necrotic. All that seems to stay there, is basic thoughts of survival, automatic reactions and the mechanics of routine. I can function at work and interact with others, yet every single thought that tries to go beyond that instinctive attempt at survival just feels exhausting anjd pointless.

I think i have to cope with the fact that my brain seems to have longer and longer periods of being almost inert and able only to barely survive, where trying to milk creativity out of it also brings up panic, and some black stuff i dont feel like dealing with. The energetic moments are still there, and they're exhilarating but they are getting shorter.

I do not want to be in the hands of a therapist again. Giving money i dont have to a man who will most definitely cover me with psychobabble, give me pills, where i am fighting the current ones as they are becoming void of positive effects and add a reason for family and people who never understood what i have to treat me like i'm some sort of weird leper.

Lately ive been trying to help others who are dealing with this and it seems that i'm better at dealing with others problems than mine. But i feel like the energy is flowing out. My family needs help, people need help, i need to be productive at work and present at a social level. It's exhausting, honestly. I feel like hiding in a hole every morning, to avoid dealing all they with everything, with requests and emotions that normally i could and shoul deal with normally, but in this state make me want to constantly scream.

I have a couple of moments of peace, with people that have patience and care for me, and i love the solace theyre giving me, even if i feel like im being a leech and exploiting it. Still thanks Rhi, Tony, Victoria and Daniel. I dont think my words will ever express how grateful i am.

No One Gives A Fuck About You: The Truths And Myths Behind Stalkers

I dont know about you, but the level of abuse that once poignant words, are getting through never ceases to suprise me.

I mean, take for example, the word "Bullying". Remember what REAL bullies were? They were big guys, with a mean streak a mile wide, that tormented you and humiliated you, if you happened to be weak or a tad too annoying, teaching you a valuable lesson on getting stronger and growing a pair. Now, in the new age of insensitive sensitivity, everyone calls people out for "Bullying" or (i'm going to throw up) "Cyber Byullying".

I agree, words can hurt (although not as much as a broken bone, trust me) and emotional violence is bad, but still, out of all the cases of "Cyberbullying", a lot of them seem more of case of extreme love for whining and inability to cope with the fact that most people will eventually be rude, mean or aggressive, as it's a perfectly normal part of human nature. So you can see the victim, becoming the victimizer, screaming "hate" and pointing fingers at everybody, and causing witchhunts and an overload of carefulness. Or worse causing a reaction that actually make people shrug off the victims of the real thing.

"Stalkers" used to be big deal. Ask to women who have dealt with real, dangerous ones. A Stalker made you fear fpr your life. Didnt necessarily have to be a stranger, often it was someone you knew. Someone who were insane enough to make you permanently scared, but also smart enough to never attack you in an open way, so they could be caught. They threatened you in hiding, slowly corroded your will to live, and your confidence and safety. They were cats who tortured the mouse for days without actually killing it.

Nowadays, while the real deal still exists, everyone seems to have "stalkers". Theres sites, or spam, everywhere that supposedly allows yout to "track down whoever looks at your facebook or twitter profiles". That type of stuff fills out a demand generated by the suffocating obsession with self importance of a lot of people, mixed with paranoia induced by too much information and a lack of actual trouble in life.

You can see people, lately, calling "stalker" pretty much everyone: from someone who writes them one email too many, someone who answers their tweets, even epople who just happened to hang at their same place they do. Have one of these paranoid people in your life and you'll have many chances of being accused of being a "Stalker". And on a social level, it's not far from fake accusations of rape. You dont have to have actually done anything, you're pesumed guilty without having done anything and nothing you can say will prove you're innocent. The "victim" will become the one actually "stalking" you, attracted by the potential for attention, they will not let things go and make your run away and hide, cause any reaction you might have could be and will be misinterpreted.

And while the actual dramatic side effects of this arent really that big, the worst aspect of it would be how people who acyually had one of the real persecutors in their lives, will be regarded as potential liars, how a few hysterical subjects will exploit the safety measures that were supposed to help real endangered people and make the idea of "stalking" a grotesque parody. There's actual people out theree who has been broken in their spirit and soul, by fear. And often they're laughed at or ignored because of a multitude of lonely misfits who think screaming wolf is the only way to have any attention in their life.

So grow up: no one rally cares about you. Theres real victims out there and youre hurting them all over again. Back off.

Welcome To The Jungle, The Fax Is Broken

Let's be honest and clear: i am not over using the most clichéed and abused "humorous blog" tricks in order to make potsts that amuse myself (and, eventually, you all). So, before you think "Hey, Andrea, you stupid fat balding guido. You're an idiot and your taste in music sucks", let me tell you that you're rude and i'm hurt. And also that i'm aware that posts like this one are all over the internet, but they're quite funny. Also, my musical taste doesnt suck. Fuck you.

Ive worked in a good number of different places, and i noticed that the fauna in offices seems to be the most unqiue, and characteristic. Apparently the types change a bit according to ther workplace, but a few of them are persistent. So here's the ones i met the most, with different names, gender and positions, but psychologically similar.

Mister Scumbag

Usuallly he is a mid level boss (again i will use mostly male-centered definitons, cause all negative stetrotupes are male in my head). He doesnt have enough powere to have actual ruling abilities or heavy responsabilities, yet he has enough power or links to be free to do almost whatever he wants. He is crass, a racist, a mysoginist, full of prejudices, takes credit for other people's work while being mostruosly incompetent, brags about abilities he does not have (like speaking fluent english where his sentences sound like 'i are sended the documentations right now, thank you a lot of muchest'), has draconian ideas about the workplace hierarchy, tells horrid jokes, is condescneding. Most workers can afford to ignore him completely and simply nod without listening to what he says. Temps, low level workers or very young ones are usally his favourite victims. He wont fire you or seriously hurt you (his sexual molestation is pretty tame and mostly ridiculous), but he will make you want to quit and slowly drive you nuts.

The Evil Lord

Now this one is abit more delicate. He actually has power, he leads the place, and has gotten where he is by cutting throats and exploiting people. Often he is unseen on the workplace and is generally acting somewhere else, but the few times he visits, you can feel the terror in the air. Having to deal with him is never a pleasant experience, since he's usally a dangerous person and can break projects and careers on a whim. Just be careful and avoid him. Kissing his ass can work, but if you do he could turn you into his slave (more on that later). Pay also attention to the reatrded relatives he usually plants around offices. They're usually "Mister Scumbags" or severly incompetent but they're untouchable

The Minion

The minion used to be a normal worker, sometime brilliant, but he/she decided to sell his soul to the evil lord, hoping to have a better chance at a promising future. Like in a third rate "Star Wars" spoof (say, The Bible, for example). his ability was taken from him and used for evil, his hopes crushed and transformed into the corporate motto and he was forced to betray friends, beliefs and genrally be a douche. Their only chance at feeling human again is being cruel rats towards their ex-coworkers, which hate their guts. Newbies will trust their fake confident attitude, but will end up burnt usually. Minions often sleep with evil lordcs, some time they have an history of abortions, teary nights, medicinbals, therapy, suicide attempts, promises of a bright future (but evil lords never leave their wives). Some of them actually go insane and might try to sympathiza with you, during a coffee/cigarette break. DO NOT FALL FOR THAT.

The Moron

He is usually that guy who sits next to you and makes your day longer. He isnt a bad person, at all. But he is empty as a charlie sheen coke bag. He doesnt really care about anything, he's burnt out, jaded, stressed and offensively ingorant and apthetic. He isnt very good at what he does, merely survives by competence. He resents everything and everyone and expresses it with his monotone pointless statements ("heh fuck, whatchagonnado"). Opens the days asking you five questions about you, never listens to the answers. Cant do shit and usually fucks up stuff. Dont get angry, his existence is worthy as the doormat's one. Probably less.

Smiley McCut-throat

This one is actually smart. Knows stuff, is genuinely helpful at first, can be an amazing work partner, and you can have decent conversation with him sometimes. Smiles a lot, almost constantly. Has a chirpy attitude, motivational stuff on their desk, picture of their kids on their desktop. Throws a lot of office parties. Still, when the time comes, they will destroy you. They will talk shit about you, backstab you, steal your work,. try to harm your career and life, diffuse rumours, sabotage you. And if you react indignantly, they will mon you until you go crazy. Best solution? Be Like Them. Smile, but watch out. Always.

Piggy

Not particularly competent or funny but he sticks out for one thing: hes a gross pig. He has the worst jokes, porn pictures on his computer, made up tales of sexual perverisity (of the bad kind, not funny. lots of times they involve prostitutes, booze and STD's). If youre a lady he will almost raoe you, until you threaten him. Then he will run away, cause like all that type of guys, he's a coward. He's often married with dominat angry women and is totally pussywhipped in private

The Angry Ass

This guy has an opinion about any topic, usually wrong and he will shout it repeatedly. He is sublimely ignorant about everything but as the true ignorants, he thinks the little he knows is superior knowledge. Generally reads pointless factoids while hes on the shitter or prentending to work and creates giant fucked up theories or beliefs on those.. The proceeds to shout said stuff at anyone, shouting louder if they dont agree. Big conspiracy theorist. Duh.

The Misunderstood Wannabe Genius

This fella has no competence, smarts or special ability whatsoever but he thinks hge does. So he overcompensates with poser attitude. Usually he thinks hes a potential minion but he doesnt have the actual balls to be one. Has some weird, pointless role, like "Creative assistent". Dress like an art critic, doesnt shave, smokes a lot, is neurotic, flirts with everyone but is often sexually inadequate, brags a lot about past adventures that never happened. Writes some amazingly convoluted memos that look like Surrealist Poems and end up being about the coffee pot needin refills.

Ok, fags. Add your own, and comment if you like. Or not