If you never met me in person, and just read my magnificiently insightful articles and wonder stuff about me, let me point out a fundamental fact about my person: I possess a penis.
Ok, i guess, i told you that before but, as it has been told to me in the past, i possess all the qualities of a man. The bad ones too. I'm perpetually horny, i like gross humour, i am obsessed by women, i like cars, big plasma screens, i am emotionally crippled and dont like expressing my feelings and so on. I can cook well, the idea of men not being supposed to cook or have taste is a silly myth perpetrated by countries where the food sucks. I am convinced that a REAL man is supposed to be also able to fix a good meal. Being a good cook is a sign of something that will probably make you a good lover. It's a fact, dont dispute me.
That sais, i know how for you tittted beings, men are an inexplicable, while attractive, mess. And i'm gonna tell you, it's true. Men are wrecks. Even the ones who think they're different, are delusional or liars. We are an imperfect but hilarious creation, that is possibly taxing to your estrogen addled brains.
While i think most women can deal with men pretty easily, allow me to explain some less debated points of our imperfect nature. Maybe with the hope that men read this and giggle with self awareness, so we can punch them in the face.
It's All About That
The idea that men think with their dicks is TRUE but has been misinterpreted with the usual diminishing sweetnesss of the boobed species.
Yes, everything that men do is, directly or indirectly related to our desire to please women and obtain sexual favours from them (or men in the gayntlemen case).
I know women have a sex drive too, desire sex, and go nuts for boys as much as we do. That's not the point. What i mean is that men are completely, utterly and unquittingly dominated by their penises. Every single decision is driven by an unstoppable, dumbening lust. Every thought we have is in some way or another, sex oriented. Or geared towards being attractive, obtaining compliments and wooing, being the centre of attention of women. Even the cockiest cocks of the walk are deeply insecure messes who build their confidence through a war-like regime of body shaping, saying only the right things, giving ourself a code of action, obsessing on being always attractive and charming towards ladies, being good looking and perfect.
Some of use, relax a bit more but only because we were going nuts and just gave up or because we found a different way to charm ladies. But deeply we have tough body issues and they're not fun. We feel ugly, fat, out of shape, goofy looking and we fight to the bone to become perfect.
Some girls think that they can dominate us by just showing cleavage. that is partially right. We do love cleavage, so if its there we will watch it. But if you're dealing with men on a more serious basis, we need to be reassured on how cool we are, how sexy we are, how you like watching us, how hot we make you feel. And how you like us. Being courted and appreciated isnt something only women like. We are broken, horny and fragile. Have a lot of good, hot sex with us (and please, please, PLEASE tell us what you like cause we like it too) and massage pur egos and we will follow you like silly puppies forever.
Comraderie Is Dead
I dont know if the myth of "buddies" and "bros" still exists, but let me tell you, with few exceptions, it IS a myth.
We have good friends and we love them with a special bonding. But they're few. When it comes with the general pack of males, we are at war with each other. Dont believe the Jersey Shore crapola, there's no code of honour between men.
With the exclusion of the one or two brothers we choose, most of the "rules" made up by magazines and books about how we respect each other are a myth.
Our "friends" will make a move on our girls as soon as we lower our guard. We will steal each other dates. We will pull cruel stunts on each other that will endanger oru love life, jobs, health, cause its funny. If we're broken or depressed there will be no support from other men, cause that would be "gay". There will be humiliation and cruel jokes. When a guy breaks up, we will laugh at him, tell him how he was sexually inadquate and how his once love of his life is probably fucking someone else. Then some of us will call the girl and make a move on her. And if we succeed,m we will obstensibly parade in front of our friend, just to spite him.
The idea of "male bonding" exists in the army, not in daily life. It's a myth.
With the exception of our brothers, which we will defend with our lives.
We Have An Enemy Since We're Born
Ok, maybe some of you will say that it's not their case. Yeah, sure.
Since we start to exist, before we deal with older brothers, bullies, teachers, bosses, we have a figure in our life we have to fight. Fathers.
No matter how you put it, every man had a conflict with its father, some sort of hostility and pain they carried through life and kinda influeneced how we behave towards others and possibly how we will act as fathers on our own.
I think most men love their kids. Some more, some less. But when it comes to boys, something in males' feral nature comes up. A man doesnt have paternal instincts in him. Most of the time it's a learnt process. And we do bring our own baggage to the parenting deal. And our male kids have a lot of baggage to them. They have expectations (they have to be as good as us, possibly better), they're rivals (they may get better than us and obscure our power and our dominating role. and they steal the love of our womwn) and they're just there. So fathers torment their kids, in some way or the other.
Kids grow up with their father's shadow in their life. We dont wanna be like them, yet we know we will probably be. And that rips us apart