I dont want to bring this back for a bit more but, since this blog is my onw therapy place, i'll try to sort out my thoughts on here.
Lately, while keeping myself up with the most insane methods, ive been plagued with the constant feeling of being out of fuel. That does not mean i'm "stressed" or "depressed". Both those terms include a possibility of reaction that i dont think i have in my ammo.
The fuel that seemed to dry out from me is participation and passion or interest in anything or anyone. Suddenly i have no interest whatsoever in sharing my thoughts, creating or caring for anything or anyone. I feel like any thought, or action i could make could have little to no bearing on my surroundings and people i love.
There was a point where i realized that something has gone wrong in my life and it got stuck in an icy spot. Whilw i treied to matter, i just never did and still dont. People went by me and improved their life, even being assholes or with disgusting choices. I stood in this spot and lost the few things i had and became an empty spot.
I am not complaining, i am not in pain. I just really do not care anymore, for now. I have bad days and better days but i realized i stopped having any impulse to write or create. I lost interest in pretty much everything that surrounds me, and im surviving through imppulse. I have almost no emotions in me. I dried up and i doubt ill go back to what i was soon, mostly cause i dont see a reason to.
People who want to be there for me are good but the problem is that i am the one who's not there anymore. I stopped caring. It's the same spot i was a long time ago, with no big reason, maybe a bunch of tiny ones. I'm dead inside. Might take a while before i work this one out