mercoledì 20 aprile 2011

Look, It's The Haters!

I HATE Internet clichées and lingo.

It's, in my head, the lowest form of simplification of human beings and their psychology. Everytime i hear the magnifcient concept of human cruelty, simplified to the silly archetype of the "Hater" or the great art of verbal sparring reduced to "its the internet", my heart crumbles a bit.

Assholes always existed, like creeps, stalkers (although this last category is way smaller than how its talked of), fanboys and any type of human label. All the internet did, was just making them more obvious. The "anonimty" is a myth. People have to really apply to be invisible on the web. If you really misbehave, anyone with a slight knowledge of the inner workings of Internet can find you and spank you. Assholes know that but they stay assholes, cause they would be that way anyhow.

Still, as much as i despise the labels, the reaction/ramblings of negative people take an mazing black and white quality. If you're a very analytical head with a psychotic oveerthinking nature, like i am, you will be able to notice some nice types. Sociology rocks and the Intewebs (tm by ViVi) makes it rock harder.

The Man Who Dislikes Everything

He (could be a she but i like to associate bad stuff with males) likes to see the worst about everything, especially if it's something people like. He will say its out of elitism or wanting to stick out from the sheepish herd (in that amazing excess of incorrect self jusdgement that socially broken people have), but the truth is that He hates being satisfiued or happy or enthusiatic. And doesnt want anyone to be that way. He'll sually be hiddeen in the stoked group for anything that has a lot of expectation, but once the thing (whether its music, a movie otr anything enjoyable) is out, he'll analyze it looking for defects. Point them out, even if they're no there. Slam them in the face of everyone. End using the legendary statement of the Church of Obnoxio: "hey, i just have an opinion". To him, being happy or appreciative is being lame. Coolness is miserable criticism. Dissatisfaction is the way

The Preacher

It doesnt matter what you think or say, if you agree or not: the preacher thinks you dont get it and you're not enlightened. He's the basic angry, arnting, frustrated dipshit, but he has found a cause. Usually, its some sort of conspiracy theory, post atheist philosophy or some thinking movement that got outdatdet in the sixties and he discovered just now. Even if you knew the subject back then already, you're on his side or really arenbt gainst it, you're all enemies. All he wants is to be able to sermonize from the mountain. All your statements will be twisted into attacks (even if they arent), quoted out of context, and even the nicest points will be used against you. Because he knows the truth and you dont. Cause he's seen things you havent and you are a slave of the cirporate church of The Man and you actually threatened him once. Even if you dont remember.

El Cynico

Speaks in one liners, loves to quote extensively what other people say and add his monotone jabs (adding usually LOL, cause nothing is as badass than laughing at what people say, expecially if you have no argument). Diuslikes feelings, finds them funny. Likes to say "BARF" or "LAME". At an evolved state, he likes to chime in int other peole's intelligent arguments/discussions to say he really doesnt care about anything. He is so cool.

The Jock

He isnt a jock but he wants to. Probably he is a fat dork, but he has married the cause of the ones who tormented him in the past and lives their life vicariously. So, he hates "nerds" (although he has no idea who they really are, so he calls pretty much everyone a nerd), "Fags" (same), "bitches" (hes a virgin) and likes to drop threats of physical violence that recall of the ones that bullies give in high school. ("i'm gonna punch you so hard, fag"). Says he likes "sports" but has no clue about them (and is made fun of by true sport fans)and brags about a sex life he really does not have (and describes it in a marvelously childish and crude way that is also unrealistic. "i got this bitch tonight and i fucked her so hard and then i punched her in the cunt"). If you like charity work and befriend him, he can be a nice guy but hell turn in a second.

The Beast

You will try to figure out why he does or says such things. If theres an actual reason to it. There isnt. He enjoys making people miserable. Hates because hate is a strong feeling. Hurts people cause it's fun and then revels in the fact he's evil. He likes to take the weak ones cause they squirm more. Uses fake backstories to justify himself but really enjoys other people's pain. No way to fight him. Ignoring helps but he might find you. Grow a thick skin and hope he dies.

Add yours if you got any. Again, this has no actual referring to spèecific people, so dont bust my balls.

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