venerdì 15 aprile 2011

Dr Junkenstein's Pink Turd Experiment

Besides the dubious reproductional values and the weird affective side-effects, having a baby usually has few useful results. The pink thingies will definitely produce impressive amounts of bodily fluids, multiply the pictures you spread around and mess up your logic abilities, so that you suddenly love when said gummy creatures will emit sounds like "wah wah" and "guh guh", causing you to even read philosphical meaning in said words and think your little bundle of squashy pink is special.

But a real revolutionary shall think outside of the box, create a new, confusionary world where creativity is the key and bunnies can be the president. A true revolutionary uses the living pudding cups as a possible way for Experiemntal Education and creativity. Back in the day, my drug addled brain had a creative idea: why not use alzheimer diseased patients as living books? Since they forget their past, why not use them as interactive characters in fictional stories you made up and tell them thius is their actual life? Tell them they are spies, heroes, villains, troubled lovers, princesses, serial killers and watch them put the stories to life, interacting and turning them into living things that spontaneously evolve and develop on their own! Social storytelling!

Still, i thought, while scratching my left testicle, why not expand the idea and turn into somnething BIGGER? So, moms and dads, let me presnet you the ultimate creative power outlet: your children! Take the ordinary topics of life and things: boys and girls, santa claus, religion, family, death, the reality of things, science.

Create a completely original story. Let your mind go wild! Remember that babies ask questions, so be prepared to give answer. Then take those tiny, clean slated creatures, with powerhouse brains that can take your ideas and bring them to rality and tell the stories.

Tell your baby that Santa Claus is actually an old demonic creature that every christmas starts an evil plan to steal babies dreams and immagination, by givinmg them presents in exchange. How the kids who receive toys actually loose their soul and become evil minions of the big guy and they act secretly for the world destruction. You love them so much, you would never allow such a thing. SO no presents for christmas. Actually they should take away the other kids presents so they save them from their horrible destiny.

Tell them Jesus doesnt really exists but theres a good good name Flufferfunk, which is a giant ball of Cotton Candy. Flufferflunk would love to make the world look awesome but the grey people want to stop him. So they put Old people on earth to enslave children. Those people are called Grandparents and they endslave the kids by taking them to Mass. The only way to survive that ritual of brainwashing is screaming really loud "No Grandma you cannot touch my pee-pee!" and run away.

Tell them that all kids are born as girls, and actually penises are a bad growth that makes the baby go insane. So the way to save them is catch them and squeeze them very very hard.

Well theers a bunch. You try. Im calling a lawyer now. Scram.

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