That Crazy Little Thing Called Being a Mess.

I had this sudden realization that my current emotional state cannot be blamed on spring anymore. Ok, spring works at some length, it is after all the season in which i started hearing voices in my head (yeah i actually did, they were kinda cute), but i'm pretty sure i'm blaminbg nature of something that is already there. I notice many love to do that too, whether its the seaosn, their backgrounds, their astrological sign, the colour of their shoes. Seems like no one wants to face that, even if you're happy and adjusted, brains dont ever work correctly, it's not in their nature.

Thjere's lots of names that the pill-popper brigade aka psychiatrist, use to come up the various types of emotional instabilities and quirks that every person that hasnt beaten themselves into mental rigor mortis has. Some of them are actual diseases, when they reach a high level. Most of them are just personlity traits. I think that of all the people who classify themselves "asperger" or affected by "ADD" or "bi-po0larism" arent really such cases. Most of the time, they just have problems handling emotions, and get tricked by doctors into believing that pills can cure that. Which is quite unsettling. Dont read this wrongly: there IS such thing as mental illness, and iuts veryu easy to end there. All you need is the wrong friends and the wrong girl/boy at the wrong time and there you are. Brain messes up its balance and you're fucked. For a long, long time. And the pills mess you up worse, while making the symptoms a bit more bearable.

Still, in a lot of cases, some of those afflciting traits are just part of you, and the best thing is trying to live with them, or build a way around them. I'm not one of those awful people who go around on a high horse built with entitlement and spoiling parents and tell others to "grow up" and quit being "emo". I'm just saying that before going to therapy, and giving your head, which is the second most important organ yopu have after your genitals (not a joke), to a professional whose main purpose is enslaving you to a chemical, that in the best case will just make you numb and an addict, try to focus on the possibility of being stronger than you think you are.

I have lots of rage. That was big thing in the past for me. At times it turned into violent outbursts, making me not a good person. Alcohol made that worse, and that was one of the reason that convinced me to slow that down. I got into fights, attacked people. Not necessarily cause i was insane, just cause i was brought up into frustration and snark, always repressed stuff and one day that frustration started turning into anger. And i didnt fuck enough. As lame as it might sound, one has to have sex as much as they can. Frsustrated lust is dangerous. I'm not simply speaking about not getting laid at all. Even if you're having a regular sex life, do it more. Platonic feelings are cool, but theres nothing more psychologically cleansing than having a good fuck, especially if it's no strings attached, animalistic and satisfying.

Besides that, most of my anger bursts, really became pointless once i started to think that my ranting didnt affect anyone. Bein passionate is ok, but at some point, your fire stops burning and its just a dim light in the distance that people barely see. Being chill is the best feeling in the world, makes you feel... superior. And anyone can be superior.

Also, i always had, and still have a big issue with developing relationships. I think i can blame it on being burnt one time too many and then sitting on that. Only, where more thick skinned people, get over it and fall in love again., i became sort of crippled. In friendship too. Most of the time my "love" is just five minutes long and i act out the rest of it, so people like me. That worked for "friends" too. As long as i kept pretending to be in love or in the best friendship ever, things worked out. And i kinda fed my brain a bunch of tiny moments of delight, that were alternated to long lashes of numb. But in the end that just meant i wasnt really happy most of the time and unable to cope with those long streteches of boring grey, trying to always being on the five minute high and getting pissed or frustrated when i didnt. Blamin it on others and then runnin away, shutting myself off. But that did not make me feel better. And no pill could solve that, even if they try.

I found a few great people, recently, that i think i can really LOVE, in a constant way. That love me for what i am, and that give me a warm feeling even when theyre not there. My heart is working better. And i seem to be handling that. By myself.

And theres fear, defeat, self doubt, apathy. Its all part of the deal. It aint spring, and it aint a sickness. All is part of how weirdly one is shapen. And it can be handled. Needs patience and time, and people who trust you and care. I have thos epeople. I wont alwaqys be a good friend to them, i am an ass sometimes. But i will try. And they make me feel well adjusted. And they dont need a prescription. Might work.

The Amazing World Of Doom: Doommantia

Fuss out all you want, people. Your pop, hip-hop stuff, your Rebecca Blacks and Jay-Z's will get the coverage on the radio and the big sales but the true soul of music isnt in mainstream.

The heart is in the genres that live underground, have a devoted following and musicians that play out of passion, loveand true magical inspiration. Grown up on the power of music and set on the purpose of promoting it, shgaring and making it stronger.

It's in those places you find the true communities. Great people who love music more than anything, and share their love with each other, supporting the bands, filling up shows and creating a scene that lives a life of it's own and helps newcomers discoverijng great albums and bands that might change their lives for the better.

My favourite genre is Doom, followed by Stoner Rock, Sludge and all the riff worshipping children of that magnificient downtuned mother. Raised on Black Sabbath, Blue Cheer, Saint Vitus. Developed in a multitude opf bands that use tyhe power of the guitar riff to reach the height of space and the infinite. Crushing the amps but touching the heart and guts, creating glorious pieces of emotion with the visceral impact that almost nothing else has. It's a style that gets you addicted and its almost endless, filled with tons and tons of amazing bands, festivals, albums, and different approaches. A multitude ion which you could almost get lost.

And there's where the Doom Community gets in. I tols you about those two great weekly doses of joy that are Crestfallen and The Soggy Bog, the two best music oriented posdcats i have the luck to know.

The other great resources are websites. there's lots ouyt there, but one of my absolute favourites is the great Doommantia.

Managed by the knowing and Doom-Savvy Ed, Doommmantia is pretty much the ultimate èplace to go to learn up to date news on the genre, read serious reviews (not the type manipulated by labels, sometimes even scathing), intelligent interviews, get reccomendations anhd get some amazing albums from their great store, full of gems at a perfectly reasonable price. And links to great bands you can check out on the marvel that is BandCamp (probably the best resource to discover unsigned bands and get their stuff directly without giving money to The Man).

Also a whole bunch of great writers roam there, including Mari, my friend, colleague from the Sludge Swamp (another community turnpike that will get even bigger) and smart Doom essayist.

Even if you think the music isnt your style, check it out anyway, the place might get you into a great world. Doooooooooom!

The Sony Issue or Why I Realized People Are Whiny Babies

Ok, if you're a nromal person, yopu might havent heard about this story and i envy you. Lets just say that its a nice example of incompetence from a majror comapny in handling their shit and how a press statement semmed to directly root iunto the alarmist, panicky and slightly logorrhoic core of the berdier side of the internet, causing a massive flood of pointless and incorrect statements that filled me with anough disgust to question my presence on the internet and pon der the decision to cut off a lot of my contacts.

On the 19th of apil 2011, the PlayStation Network went offline. An incredibly high number of people were seriously affected by this, it seems, since the newtork is the primnary source for updates, contacts, patches and information for Sony Console owners. Also any form of online gaming, with the sore case of the recenly released Portal 2, was put on hiatus.

No info was given at the date about ehat was actually happening. Still, being a cynical and distrusting memeber of society (rerad: an adult), my first thought was "it's either an overload of users or a hacker attack".

On the 26th, after a whole week of silence, Sony released a Press Statement where they informed the public that there actaully was a hacker attack on the network's servers, a security breach, and that "personal info" (including credit card numbers, passwords and other specific informations) had probablyt leaked.

And that caused a collective panic attack. Which, personally, i think is retarded.

First: hacking happens regularly. Credit Card numbers, personal info and stuff like that is sold, given away or taken constantlky since the day it became available evry single time a transaction on the web is done. No matter how much a company is legally responsible to keep data safe, their lawyer guarantee them a safe exit in case of a breach. They say they will kjeep them safe but it has been repeatedly proven they wont. Evertytime you buy stuff on Amazon, give your details to Paypal, have a transaction on ebay, you are under a large risk of having your infromation stolen. Or, most definitely sold through some loophole in yopur privacy statement.

The main difference is that no one tells you about it. such hacking attacks, have a background of treachery that is close to a war. Even the information about the attack themselves is manipulated in order to conduct the business wars. Why did sony decide to make the statement so late? how many knew of this before? Why did they choose to word it so boldly, knowing it will result in a huge psychotic backlash against them? How much of this story is still unknown.

Yet, thanks to the childish soul of the internet and a whole genration of people whoprobabgly never faced a serious problem in their life, a wave of overreaction has spread like a fuckin virus.

People are blocking their bank accounts. Cancelling credit cards. Talking about post apocalyptic scenarios where identities are stolen by mysterious entities with no name (who the cuck would stole your identity? Seriously? Why would anyone want to be YOU?).

At the software store i work at, today, people were wanting refunds for their Playstatioons, trying to get information we couldnt give, trying to sell back consoles and games with really no reason.

As much as Sony needs to be blamed for their attitude, this whole things speaks volumes about the hysteria that is the soul of this fucked up generation of bored morons that have way too much time on their hands and no real life experience in dealing with accidents. Being hacked, scammed, mugged is a daily risk. Yes, your data and your money should be safe, but it WONT happen. It's a risk you have to take into consideration.

And no, it doesnt block you from buying stuff online as much as knowing that going out of your house means you might get mugged, doesnt make you become a scared hermit. Excessive information, overzealouness is PARANOIA.

You're all allowed to be indignated and pissed. But obsessing on it wont solve anything. It happened a week ago. It's too late to prevent anything from happening. They probably already got their asses protected from any lawsuit and will get out of it easily. So your fussin and scraeming is pointless. Evrytime you use a credit card, you're at risk. There is no safety. Internet isnt safe. Crying cause, FOR ONCE, you learned about some of the truth, is childish.

Still you can. Keep complaining how offensive this is. You will hardly loose money and no one will steal your identities. Nothing in your life will change, while much more tricky stuff happens daily. But if this feels your day, go on. Post about it. Scream, cry, fuss. As much as i get paiud, i-ll take back your ps3 and move on. I-ll unfollow you on twitter and facebook is 90% of your posts are about this and think less of you from now on.

Shit happens, grow up.

How to go through Jesus Rebirth, Bunnies and Stuff And Not Kill Yourself.

According to my interactions between me and my friends on the other side of the ocean, easter is a slightly holiday for an italian boy and an american one. Where i saw the coming of the Easter Holiday as a religiously toned series of family meetings, ritualistic dinner, chruch attending and lots of fetishitic jesus paraphernalia, they talk about chocolate eggs and bunnies.

We have the egss too, but not the bunnies, really, at all. I have no idea where the idea of celebrating the resurrection of a prophet by huggin bunnies comes from (apparently from Germany, who would've guessed that they could do nice stuff), but compared to the strictly catholic love for the idea of the holiday as a reminder of Zombie Jew Jesus, it seems more fun.

Seems though, that most people, everywhere, unless they have rightfully escaped from the tradition, have to deal with the utter horror that such holidays, especially this family oriented ones bring: family meetings.

I know people who gladly ran away from that and hang out with friends or take time for themselves. Personally, my mother is an alcoholic with a faulty health, so i used the holiday to try and avoid that she hurt herself too much, while styill trying to avoid it getting under my skin.

Still it wasnt a pleasant experience and it shouldnt be. It left a bad taste of depression on me, that i had to work hard to shake off. My depression started years ago, during these times. The coming of the sunnier seasons, the celebrating, the pseudo festive air, were what made me notice the darker details in my life. Happened to my mother too. All holidays do that, christmas too, but easter has a special power. There used to be relatives grouping and shittalking each other, all in one house, once. And there still are. She ran away from that but still bears the scars oif what that did to her and tries to drown the pain and the feeling of utter loneliness with drinking, making it even more of a problem on a celebration sized dinner. Now she has my father back in her life. His brain is meltin, he's ill and angry, doesnt recall his abusive ways, but has no place to go either. So she has to deal with thgat and her own issues. Thats why i feel the duty of supporting her.

I dont think, i'm a good person. Some say i am, but i am only acting that way cause i thinki it's fair. I couldnt do differently. I tried to cut off from them and abandon them to their pain but it made me feel unnecessarily cruel. Still i do not like the occasion. And i find weird, how i keep stumbliung on people that seem to LOVE their parents and relatives. Their In Laws. Their Moms and Dads. If, they have any form of problem with them or the idea of celebrating holidays with them, its out of some childish pettiness, like how their family's ritual dinner doesnt respect their veganism or something like that. Its weird.

One of the main point in becoming a person is facing the truth: you are not supposed to get along with your family. You're not supposed to enjoy their company and they are not enjoying yours. They dont love you. They had you and dealt with it, but they wouldnt talk to you if you werent related. Still, if you feel like trying, you can. And in that case you have to deal with how they are, with no snarkiness or complaining. Even more, if youre living in their house or leeching their meals. You had the choice and thats how it is. You're free to not keep in touch and no one will really feel bad. They'll get over it and you will. Holidays trick people into belkieving that families are naturally unite, which isnt true.

As my muse says: "Blood aint thicker than water"

The Retardation Column

I will take a cue from Magritte's classic artsy take on surrealism (yes, i wikied that. you do that too. cmon, its not like you got better stuff to do on the holy dead jesus day) and say "This is not a drink". It's a horrible pink abortion that probably taste like gasoline mixed with sugaru stuff and colour. It might taste as fake as it looks. Even the picture gives a bad vibe. And you wanna know the irony?

This picture cam up in Google Images while searching up "Cosmopolitan". And i thgink it fits perfectly on a psychological level.

Lately, someone linked me a webpage about the five most dabgerously ridiculous relationship advice pieces done by Cosmo. It had to be taken as a humorous view on that magazine, still it had a viscerally disturbing side to it. I can describe that feeling with a simple metaphor (well, we started artsy and prentious, lets stay that way, shall we?): Cosmo's advice on love and sex, and intertaction with partners is like over the top racism and The Westboro Church. We can laugh at it and act like superior mammals but there's people who believe in it and model their existance around it, creating chaos and scorn and destruction.

I had a couple of rough encounters and bad relationship with females that acted intellectually evolved but paid too much attention to external, impersonal advice. From a graduate lady who solved her insecurities about love by reading "Men are from mars..." (the prime example of sociological failure and counterpoductive therapy), to a Registered nurse who could stitch stab wounds but seemed to need the hints of an MTV show to understand the inner workings of sexuality. Still Cosmo ruled and apparently still does, as the king of bad adevisors with an over the top glee in enhancing conflict, anger and break-ups, while passing it as empowerment.

I remember reading an article that basically told girls how to "judge a man's ability in love according to his ringtone". "How to cheat on a lover and get away with it". "How to destroy a man's friendship with his best buddies".

Now i could witness gems as "if your man is happy, he's cheating". "If your man likes having sex with you, he is hiding something".

Like most friends, well all friends, it seems like the idea of "advice" has the main objective of making the person angry and miserable and possibly alone. The objective isnt to fix, but to break. Like most friends they want you unhappy, cause unhappiness is more fascinating and more productive. The main difference is that they can fuck your boyfirend behind your back.

Lately i see this advice disease spreading. I notice how men and women are way more insecure. About love, sex, anything. With new views on how men should be MEN and women should be WOMEN, how sex should sdhere not to the main objective of being an experience of mutual pleasing and awesomeness that is different with each partner but have a set of specific rules that work for everyone, on how scourting has settings and lines..... The result is a bunch of broken, almost unfixable messes. Everywhere you go you see guys terrified of lonely and inadequacy. Girls terrified of the same or of being used or badly handled. Both trying to find a recipe for being hapèpy and invincible, quit bein hurt and feeling unsatisfied.

So you keep stumbling into people asking for advice, taking even the worst of it, and getting mor eproblems. Guys believing in stuff like "Men's Health" legendary article "The right drinks to get in her panties" (true story) or the obsession in making sexuality identical to pornography, where if yopur lady doesnt squirt,m you did not please her.

Personally, and i'm a douchebag so i'm probably wrong, i feel anxious when trying to follow advice or guidelines. Evrything has rules, lately. The only moment of spontaneity left is love and sex (not together). Maybe the ONLY time in which one can turn off their brain and lower their guard. I'd rather fail at it and learning, adpating than try to follow someone else's style and always feeling like i'm doing homework. Chillax people. You'll find your way. It's a long road, full of obstacles and annoyances, but in the end, that's the fun part. Fuck those magazines.

Muscians Dont Get Laid But At Least They Have An Excuse: The Amazing World Of Music Genres

It might be a chicken and the carnivorous mutant Sharktopus case, but as much as everyone loves to blame excessive and ridiculous categorization of music on the critics (although critics are all suckers of satan's cock, me included, and they deserves all the insults they get. yes, i do suck satan's cock. i hope he makes me famous but he never calls me back), i notice that bands do it even more.

Ive been receiving a babillaton emails from bands, trying to get their stuff reviewsd or press releases from labels, where they all seem to refuse in the most enraged way to call their music in a simplified way. Of course you'll find the fakely weathered douche that likes to say stuff in the lines of "Dudeeeee, we have no idea what all this bullshit is... We just play Rawk, y'know? Like, y'know, the stuff my daaaahd listened to and i grew up with. Jest Rawk.... Like, the greats.... Greeen Day. Red Hawt Chelle Peeperz....." (Cue to myself slitting veins in the bathroom, five minutes later)....

...Sorry. I mean, there's exceptions, but most muscians, will love to define their music ina different way, and make up new genres to impress people with their outstanding creativity and originality. (and then play Radiohead covers).

So, as usual, i wanna try to come up with new things and create ways for you all, sad little douches, to0 become famous and creatively important, so you can name mke in interviews and say i was major influence. That's how nice i am.

So let's create styles, cause it doesnt matter what you play, the main thing is what you tell others!

Doo Doo Da Da Core

It's "Core", so it's alternative. The band plays dressed as toddlers, they make lyrics that sound as infants warbling, and they dont really play instruyments. Their music is made of baby carols, modified through elctronic stuff. At shows they throw pacifiers around and do nappy time breaks. Critic friend must call them " the ultimate retro"

Haterock

Basic songs made of one chord and linear drum beat. the lyrics are made with a collection of angry youtube comments, misspelled verses and choruses that end in "NO U". At shows they dont really come up, and a giant sign with the words "PWNED" appears, then the audience beat each other up. Critic friend must call them "Modern confrontational"

Fap-Hop

Hip-Hop base but no lyrics, only a series of porn bits, and description from porn website presentations. A good hit can be "Teenage Meatholes get gagged", with "This Aint Justin Biebr's Butt - The gay Parody" as a b-side. At shows, pronos are shown on the big screen, as people masturbate along with the lyrics. Critic Friend must call them "Provocatively sultry with bit of cheese".

Trv Cvtesy Metal

Take cute animals, babies and puppets but dress them as extreme metal people, with spikes and hairdos. Songs mix the epic guitar wankery with cheesy Ke$ha like pop melodies. a good song title could be "Me and satan like to eat lollipops". At shows they play seriosuly but the audience doesnt really mosh, but goes AWWWWWWWWW, in unison. Critic Friend must call them "Whimsically decontructional"

Oh, well i need coffee. Why do i have to do all the work. I hate you....

Look, It's The Haters!

I HATE Internet clichées and lingo.

It's, in my head, the lowest form of simplification of human beings and their psychology. Everytime i hear the magnifcient concept of human cruelty, simplified to the silly archetype of the "Hater" or the great art of verbal sparring reduced to "its the internet", my heart crumbles a bit.

Assholes always existed, like creeps, stalkers (although this last category is way smaller than how its talked of), fanboys and any type of human label. All the internet did, was just making them more obvious. The "anonimty" is a myth. People have to really apply to be invisible on the web. If you really misbehave, anyone with a slight knowledge of the inner workings of Internet can find you and spank you. Assholes know that but they stay assholes, cause they would be that way anyhow.

Still, as much as i despise the labels, the reaction/ramblings of negative people take an mazing black and white quality. If you're a very analytical head with a psychotic oveerthinking nature, like i am, you will be able to notice some nice types. Sociology rocks and the Intewebs (tm by ViVi) makes it rock harder.

The Man Who Dislikes Everything

He (could be a she but i like to associate bad stuff with males) likes to see the worst about everything, especially if it's something people like. He will say its out of elitism or wanting to stick out from the sheepish herd (in that amazing excess of incorrect self jusdgement that socially broken people have), but the truth is that He hates being satisfiued or happy or enthusiatic. And doesnt want anyone to be that way. He'll sually be hiddeen in the stoked group for anything that has a lot of expectation, but once the thing (whether its music, a movie otr anything enjoyable) is out, he'll analyze it looking for defects. Point them out, even if they're no there. Slam them in the face of everyone. End using the legendary statement of the Church of Obnoxio: "hey, i just have an opinion". To him, being happy or appreciative is being lame. Coolness is miserable criticism. Dissatisfaction is the way

The Preacher

It doesnt matter what you think or say, if you agree or not: the preacher thinks you dont get it and you're not enlightened. He's the basic angry, arnting, frustrated dipshit, but he has found a cause. Usually, its some sort of conspiracy theory, post atheist philosophy or some thinking movement that got outdatdet in the sixties and he discovered just now. Even if you knew the subject back then already, you're on his side or really arenbt gainst it, you're all enemies. All he wants is to be able to sermonize from the mountain. All your statements will be twisted into attacks (even if they arent), quoted out of context, and even the nicest points will be used against you. Because he knows the truth and you dont. Cause he's seen things you havent and you are a slave of the cirporate church of The Man and you actually threatened him once. Even if you dont remember.

El Cynico

Speaks in one liners, loves to quote extensively what other people say and add his monotone jabs (adding usually LOL, cause nothing is as badass than laughing at what people say, expecially if you have no argument). Diuslikes feelings, finds them funny. Likes to say "BARF" or "LAME". At an evolved state, he likes to chime in int other peole's intelligent arguments/discussions to say he really doesnt care about anything. He is so cool.

The Jock

He isnt a jock but he wants to. Probably he is a fat dork, but he has married the cause of the ones who tormented him in the past and lives their life vicariously. So, he hates "nerds" (although he has no idea who they really are, so he calls pretty much everyone a nerd), "Fags" (same), "bitches" (hes a virgin) and likes to drop threats of physical violence that recall of the ones that bullies give in high school. ("i'm gonna punch you so hard, fag"). Says he likes "sports" but has no clue about them (and is made fun of by true sport fans)and brags about a sex life he really does not have (and describes it in a marvelously childish and crude way that is also unrealistic. "i got this bitch tonight and i fucked her so hard and then i punched her in the cunt"). If you like charity work and befriend him, he can be a nice guy but hell turn in a second.

The Beast

You will try to figure out why he does or says such things. If theres an actual reason to it. There isnt. He enjoys making people miserable. Hates because hate is a strong feeling. Hurts people cause it's fun and then revels in the fact he's evil. He likes to take the weak ones cause they squirm more. Uses fake backstories to justify himself but really enjoys other people's pain. No way to fight him. Ignoring helps but he might find you. Grow a thick skin and hope he dies.

Add yours if you got any. Again, this has no actual referring to spèecific people, so dont bust my balls.

The King Of All Awesomeness: Doctor Who

Unless you're a monobrow barbarian who lived under a rock for the lòast century or you're one of those willfully ignorant people who think that not following anything is "cool", you probably heard about Doctor Who. Any respectable pop culture person knows abou the series, any british person was (up to my knowledge) tested on it in school with penalty of death and references to it are as engrained in modern knowledge more than any other fictional creation, possibly.

That might be, because it is one of the most succesful creation of sci-fi, because it has been running for almost 40 years, because it has permeated common knowledge with its lingo, characters, worlds and ideas, because its many iconic images (from the time travelling phone booth shaped ship Tardis, to the devastatingly cool looking enemies that the main charcaters face, one for all the almight Daleks). Probably just beacuse its so delightfully accomplished and evolved, that anyone witha slight hint of taste and a heart can pretty much agree that it's a masterpiece. And it's as close top art as you can get.

A running joke between the purveyors of the new age of bullying snarkiness, its the subject of "nerds". Nerds, lately, have been atrtache3d to any form of interest or passion (from computers to basic movie knowledge). In simple terms, in these days, you can be called nerd very esily: all you need is an interest you're passionate about and a bit of an attitude. But the early idea of "Nerd" was often attached to Dungeon & Dragons and Doctor Who. Gives you a slight idea of how completely devoted the fans of this series are and how careful i'm trying to be while i talk about it. Doctor Who fans love the series, whether its in complete span or the more recnt revived verison, more than any other fan loves any other thing. Talk with any follower of a fictional creation and you'll meet passionate people and spoilering shitheads, but you'll hardly find people whoi love characters and stories as much as The Doctor Fans.

All i can say is that they're right.

The series took form from its low-budget, quite campy and slightly humble origins, mutatted through years and turned the deceptively simple concept of an alien Time Traveler, hi camopuflaged ship and his copmainions, into sopmething that defies genres, categorization and format and touches all the chords of the emotional spectruym to be purely epic and immensely powerful.

While some miught enjoy some incarnation of The Doctor better than others (cause, to be clear the docotrs defies death by regenrating his body and shifting his appearance, while retaining his mind and knowledge. a nice idea that allows the series to survive while actors eventually leave it) or have preferences in terms of seasons, actors, storylines and authors, the main power odf the series is one giant blow to the immagination, heart and soul.

It's a ride.

It starts with epic credits, right away. Glorious theme song, off kilter visuals, a feeling of glorious eye boggling energy. It goes through comedy (great memorable, quotable comedy), drama, horror, space travelling majesty, epic storytelling, tales that intertwine in one big tissue laughters and a lot of tears. You fall in love with the characters, root for them, follow them into this giant joyride into styles, ideas and incredible plots, through paradoxes, historical refrences, pop culture meltdowns and momenbt of pure poetry. They drag you by the heart and make you addicted. And one story after the other it thrills you and excites you and exhilarates and becomes part of your life, in a way that you wouldnbt have expected., Cayuse, simply, who could have thought that a sci-fi saga, with great lines and a mind bending taste for quirk and creativity coul get you so much, after many others failed.

And at the top of your cynicism, you want more and quote it. You want tos pread the love and you dont get why people dont love such awesomeness as much as you do.

Turns out that becoming a nerd is quite easy, when The Doctor's charming face is involved.

But its such a great great thing.

Add: Just learned that Actress Elisabeth SLaden, who shined as one of The Doctor's great companions, Sarah Jane, died due to cancer complications. Bless your soul, miss.

The Death Of Human Decency: a Healthcare Tragedy

I dont have the cocky bravado and confidence to proclaim myself as an issue expert or even a person that can brag about knowing possible solutions to social problems. Still i aint deaf and i have a heart (although i do my best to silence it, increasingly) and a conscience (that has a say in important things like true conscinces should have).

I can pretty much say with no fault, that the healthcare issue is a BIG problem to any country. Even if you want to stay off from the political side of it, be hugely indifferent, join the party of "meh, i cant do anything about it" (the most horrifying lie that ever was scarred into people's minds) or be one of the obnoxioous flag wavers that "trust their governement and are okay with how things are" (usually americans are guilty of that in 90% of the cases, but there's a bunch of those guys in every country, no matter how fucked up)there will be a moment where you'll need to have your health observed or the health of someone you care for and chances are, you'll be hugely clusterfucked by the gigantic flaws that any system has in that depratment. Sure, if you're rich (and even in those days of rampant unemployment and money hemorraeging, theres still some assholes who have enough money to make everything look "ok" and let the common men die and suffer, as long as they can afford their own survival.

Still, the rest of the world, is either dying or struggling. Having to jump through hoops that are gettin smaller and smaller while no one really cares and fat liars like Michael Moore twist issues in order to make partisan points, and hiding the ctual truth. With the result that no one really cares anymore about anything and things just stay the way they are.

The case i'll try to address here, is not only a situation that involves a person i love, but it's a great example of a series of huge failures piling up, in a country (Canada) that a lot of naive thinkers pointed out as an example of unflappable democracy and care for the citizen. If a presumed haven is fucking up that bad, just think of how things couyld go wrongly in other places and get your rioting gears ready. It's not too late.

The main character in this farce is my friend and muse Rhian, a delightful, creative, kind person, who found hersle diagnosed with the very debilitating Lupus, an illness that is still weird and mysterious to most and incapacitates the body of many people afflicted from it, while keeping their heads and souls awake and sensitive to scarring. The illness has made her unable to do daily things without major struggle and efforts, put her in need of constant care and attention and made her unable to work, while still needing a constant protection from daily threats, whhile looking for a way to survive. A similar situation, would've probably destroyed most people. She is a ballerina and a lively person. Fierce and proud of her own independence. Illness has made her needing of others, and while she is loved and surrounded by people, she still has to struggle constantly against pain and disability while fighting the indifference of people and the coondescending cynicism of a worsening society thats eem to care less and less for people and thrive on cruelty towards its best (and less aggressive) members.

As a Canadian Citizen she has been denied an access to Disability with weird loopholes and requirements, and bureaucratic labyrinths that are as costly as time wasting. Apprently she hasnt enough income to fight for her own life, but enough to be ignored by the system She has been left on her own devices by a sanitary system that hasnt informed her about the requirements.

Doctors that have prescribed expensive treatments that Canadianj healthcare doesnt seem to cover. Now she has to fight against that and face a general feeling of indifference or fake statemnts of how "everything is fine" (which are omnipresent and remind me of those people that allowed the rise of dictatorships as long as they were granted a minimal survival).

Lately she has quoted to me a statement given to her on this issue: How the focus of Canadian healthcare, during these times, should be on the percentage of curable people. So that should exclude her. Since she's terminal, chronicl and afflicted by an u8ncovered illness, she can be left alone to rot. Apparently the system is giving up on her while she is still alive, denying her dignity and the means to fight back. She is alive, though and strong. And she is NOT a victim.
Doesnt need pity or compassion but a firm hand to hold on though the fight

She has a blog, which you can read to discuss the matter with her and support her. Or even have clearer views on the issue. Do it. Its one person but this plague its spreading its cracks all over the world and not talking about it or noticeing it just makes it larger.

Time to react before well die from it, alone. http://rhian-smokeandmirrors.blogspot.com

In Praise Of The Middle Ground

While facing the brain hazing burden that is a sunday afternoon on spring, i happened to stumble on Alex Jones' show "Infowars". I've never been really as polarized as many are abou the man. I think he is entertaining in a way, as many conspiracy theorists are. Even if i think the whole NWO theory is way overhyped and borderline cartoonish, especially when it tries to tie together points that really have no reason to be connected.

Still, that's not what majorly bugs me about him or the whole Zeitgeist scene. What really kinda made me reflect, in Jones' delivery of "Truth" and "Information" is how his loudness, his boisterous aggressive confidence and the tone of most of his guests/sponsors/statements makes them really close to their enemies. In fact, i think the major effect of said approach, the "We know the truth and you all are in the dark", the obsession for promoting points that have no critical reflection behind them but whose main purpose is to create controversy and be talked of, is to turn off people from your main cause.

For a good bunch of enlightened ones, you'll have a whole group of people that get seriously turned off by your hammering and actually decide to ignore even the good parts of your arguments. Or, at best, you'll get a whole group of semi-blind fanatics that will take anything you say as utter dogma, emobdying the exact opposite of the freedom of thought you were promoting. But my point is wider.

Humans are complex and volatile creatures who are prone to failure and negative reaction.

As much as we want to think that society is essentially civil and can be guided into a superior level with the right teaching, this wont happen in most cases. The real key, in my head, to get things right, is perspective. Or, to put it in simple terms, a safe distance from all points. A tiny, healthy dose of detachment from everything. Enough to let your eyes see all points and consider everything for what it really is: relative. And still not so much that you actually stop caring and succumb to death by indifference and passiviity.

Caring too little, not really getting involved, emotionally or in thoughts, living mechanically and keeping TOO MUCH distance, breeds apathy. Apathy is the non-organic death of the brain. The soul-coma. Every time people get jaded out of too many delusions, or just because in today's fucked up social world, not caring about anything and being cynical and sarcastic about what you see equals being superior, what comes out is similar to a grey haze that takes away passion and oxigen. And that applies to all things.

Saying you wont vote cause you do not care about politics is dangerous indifference. You vote, your opinion, your ideas might not be immediately effective or get wasted in a sea of mess-ups but not acting, or not carin, is a suicide and a slap in the face to anyone who actually tries single handedly, every day to change things. In sentimental relationships, or community interactions, sometimes being numb and cold, indifferent and hardened looks like a goal.

Not feelin anything seems to be a safe bet to avoid failure or hurt. In the end though, while as i said, some distance has to be kept, numbness is, as apathy, a great way to be emotionally dead and start to rot before being a corpse.

On the opposite side, excessive care is as worng. Being too much confident about your views, being at war to promote them as aboslutes, nevert bending for potential compromise, is just going to turn you into a ridulous joke. While i am convinced that today most democratic views are a failure and that people have to be forced into most decisions to evolve, preaching absolutes isnt going to work. It doesnt matter how right you think you are: everything you think or beleive can be debated opr proved wrong with the right stubborn arguments. And you will always face someone that will be stronger than you and use your passionate emotion to corrode you until yopu give in. Use said fire against you and make you go nuts.

That too is like love. In love, being so involvedx you forget who you are and having no distance, ends in tragedy. You8 have to love but also remeber yourself always. Involve yourself only up to the point you do not do stupid shit in the name of something thaty has a high chance of failing or disappointing you. Same with communites and social groups. Keep your distance. Dont believe too much. Remember you come first. Always.

That is why a lot of psychedlic drugs open the eyes of people. Not cause of visions or truth but because those drugs make your brain distanced. You see things, emotions, people for wehat tehy actually are: moments and segments. As miserable or happy as you might feel, as important as this person or idea might seem, you will change. Everything will. And all people and ideas are worth fighting for with the same amopunt of energy. Some do not deserve any, some deserve more. Still you always have to rememmber your distanced view and the middle ground. Not out of fear or cowardry but to get a good startegy and find the best solution.

Dr Junkenstein's Pink Turd Experiment

Besides the dubious reproductional values and the weird affective side-effects, having a baby usually has few useful results. The pink thingies will definitely produce impressive amounts of bodily fluids, multiply the pictures you spread around and mess up your logic abilities, so that you suddenly love when said gummy creatures will emit sounds like "wah wah" and "guh guh", causing you to even read philosphical meaning in said words and think your little bundle of squashy pink is special.

But a real revolutionary shall think outside of the box, create a new, confusionary world where creativity is the key and bunnies can be the president. A true revolutionary uses the living pudding cups as a possible way for Experiemntal Education and creativity. Back in the day, my drug addled brain had a creative idea: why not use alzheimer diseased patients as living books? Since they forget their past, why not use them as interactive characters in fictional stories you made up and tell them thius is their actual life? Tell them they are spies, heroes, villains, troubled lovers, princesses, serial killers and watch them put the stories to life, interacting and turning them into living things that spontaneously evolve and develop on their own! Social storytelling!

Still, i thought, while scratching my left testicle, why not expand the idea and turn into somnething BIGGER? So, moms and dads, let me presnet you the ultimate creative power outlet: your children! Take the ordinary topics of life and things: boys and girls, santa claus, religion, family, death, the reality of things, science.

Create a completely original story. Let your mind go wild! Remember that babies ask questions, so be prepared to give answer. Then take those tiny, clean slated creatures, with powerhouse brains that can take your ideas and bring them to rality and tell the stories.

Tell your baby that Santa Claus is actually an old demonic creature that every christmas starts an evil plan to steal babies dreams and immagination, by givinmg them presents in exchange. How the kids who receive toys actually loose their soul and become evil minions of the big guy and they act secretly for the world destruction. You love them so much, you would never allow such a thing. SO no presents for christmas. Actually they should take away the other kids presents so they save them from their horrible destiny.

Tell them Jesus doesnt really exists but theres a good good name Flufferfunk, which is a giant ball of Cotton Candy. Flufferflunk would love to make the world look awesome but the grey people want to stop him. So they put Old people on earth to enslave children. Those people are called Grandparents and they endslave the kids by taking them to Mass. The only way to survive that ritual of brainwashing is screaming really loud "No Grandma you cannot touch my pee-pee!" and run away.

Tell them that all kids are born as girls, and actually penises are a bad growth that makes the baby go insane. So the way to save them is catch them and squeeze them very very hard.

Well theers a bunch. You try. Im calling a lawyer now. Scram.

Stuff That Actually Sucks: The Endless Abyss Of Music....

It hurts to be typing this, my main solace is that, like most of my rants, it will go unnoticed and forgotten fast and easily. Still. My own life source has been violated and stained. My main love, my lady, my lover and companion, my mistress has goten lazy and fat. And she doesnt love me as much as she used to.

Oh music, why have you forsaken me? I still love you. You still fill 23 hours of my 24 hour day. But when did it become almost a chore to find the good parts of you? I used to love every side of you, from the silly beat of disco dance, to the brutal marble gargle of extreme balck metal.

You never bored me, ever. Seein a show, hearin a record, even a song on the radio was like making love with new superb partners every time. Yet now i'm listening to the new album by a band i used to adore, Dredg and what i hear is a bunch of soulless plastic tunes that i will forget in a minute or so.

And its happening so often too. Radiohead, which made me shiver and tear up, does a record that everyone talks about and no one really likes. The one that says they enjoyed it are all saying the same trite wording i keep hearing for so many albums and songs lately "well you need to listen to it more than once". After that it's "well you need to listen to it in the special extra priced CD version". After that "well yeah, it sucks but they did so much good stuff". And its not just about one pretentious bunch of hipster.

Crack pop music used to be silly bublegum for the ears, but even those songs are all the same. Same vocals, same melodies, samne beat. I dont feel like dancing and i aint having fun. You're no Ke$ha, Rebecca Black. Where's the power of fluff and the exhilarating siliness that makes my bootay shake? Everything leaves me cold.

And metal. What's happening to you metal? You used to be adrenalizing, glorious and thundering. Your sound used to destroy universes and make me want to snap my neck. All i hear lately is bands repeating tired stuff from the good days. Megadeth, Metalliuca, Slayer, what happened to you? It wasnt selling out, i would've appreciated that more. Instead you went into the horrible soulless world of mediocre aito-pilot songwriting, where there's no emotions or soul, and you make songs that leave nothing inside and everyone says "well could've been worse".

Alternative and indie, dont get me strated about you. You used to be the land of emotion and experimentation, now you all sound alike. And i dont dislike clones. I'm fine with something that sounds like some other thing i like. But if it leaves me cold and all i notice is your cute dress, well fuck you. All pointless song, with choruses that have no edge, those prettied up instruments and the constanjt dreadin feeling that you couldnt care less about a new album or new songs and you'd rather do something else. What happened? Yes Dredg, Queens Of The Stone Age, Coldplay.... I'm lookin at you.

And the fans. We used to eb a community. Now its nerds and fanatics. The writers are douchebags that like to hate. The fanboys would love anything by their favourite band even if its a perfumed dump and dont accept discussions on the flaws that are getting oh-so-evident. Talkign about music has become hard as talking about religion and politics. I am starting to avoid the issue with the same disgust and fear of pointless arguing.

What happened, my lady? I knwo youa int dead, you know why? The unsigned. The outcast. The little niche ones. The less known styles. The retro kids and the old masters that never really cared about arenas. The blues, the rock, the classic electro, the experimentation, psychedelia, garage, disco... There's millions out there that still believe in you and are fighting against indifferent labels, snobby critics, and a public that couldnt care less about a real tune. And they do it because you're in their blood and you make them feel alive.

I believe in them, music. They can make you pretty again. I'm not giving up baby. Together forever.

The Real Art of Poetry!....

"Poems are like babies. They're beautiful to their own creators but awkward and annoying to anyone else" - Doug Stanhope

"What i actually meant, baby, is that your poems are so cool and hot. No, really. You're a genius, a true sensitive soul. For real. Yeah, they dont understand you cause they're jealous. Yeah i do get you babe. I'm Italian, i know art. Can you blow me now?" - Me

Fear Not, heartbroken student that has to do a soul shredding poem for the hip writing class and wants also to impress the emo-hipster girl/boy by showing it's inner beauty!

Fear Not, frustrated housewife with ambitions but really no talent, that has fucked up knitting, painting and sculpture in a row and cant do yoga cause you're too fat and lazy, so you take up poetry to express your childhood dreams!

Fear NOT wanna be hipppie that hangs out to the local poetry club to get some but always sees girls go out with Jacques The Talking Clitoris Man and wants to read poems out loud so someone will give him a pity handjob!

I come to you, with cool poetry examples that you can show off, and act like they're yours!

Inspired my beloved friend Lilly, who appreciated my first try, here's my free (well you can donate, i always like money and drugs) POEMS!

Divided by Feeling, like all true art is:

First Love (A Feminist Scream)

Bouncing
Glassy eyed
Mother buys groceries
I Let my flow cover you
You were my first orgasm
And still the best
Mechanic Pony
Boom-Chika-Pow Pow

Outcast (A Racial Teardrop)

I speak In jarbled tongue
I show my true colors
My brotherhood
But i'm refused
And laughed at
I aint Black
Nor white
I am both
It's a hard life
For A Juggalo

Father (A Family Walla Walla)


I stare
At your picture On a Screen
You come
And Go away
Different Faces
Same Man
Same Thing
Come and take me away
From This valley
Of mortification
They dont love me
You would
Please Do
Doctor Who

Well. Ok, it's tree but i need to pee. Art is such a burden. Contribute! And thank Lilly, she's a genius. (http://fallingwindows.tumblr.com/)

Stuff That Actually Sucks: Angry Birds

I'm sorry.

I know you love it and it's just a whimiscal and hilarious game you play on your commute and its so cute and addictive.

I know it fills the hours of your day and it looks pretty. I know. But it's shit.

Let me clear up: i love stupid games. There was a time where Solitary was as good as you got on a phone and even portable consoles today dont have the genius level of crack like joy that a great iphone game can give you. I love them, i really really do. And i likie colourful stupidity too, a lot.

But this one is utter shit.

See Peggle is pure genius. I can keep playing Peggle for hours and be hypnotized by its noisy joy. Replay levels a thousand times until i get the perfect score. I love Fruit Ninja casue its so relaxing in it's own frantic, slashy way. I love Cut The Rope, cause its simple, colourful and addictive and it makes me not bored and challenges me. Or Tiny WIngs. Mega Jump. Those are simple, not always easy games that have great ideas, are well done and even in their linear way, have showed people that the iphone can be entertaining. And made a lot of people less adhamed of being whimsical and enjoying themselves.

Yet this one is idiotic and boring.

First, it's badly done. It shouldnt be: it's throwing things at other things. Still, it manages to cheat some times. Stuff falls too easily or doesnt fall at all. And the physics that should hold the game just warp up and fail. I've seen people pass a level with no idea of how they did it and people fuck up the same level ten times in a row and not knowing why either. Something's wrong there. The whole birds thing. It shouldnt be supposed to be important and it really isnt, still it feels like whoever had this idea was trying to woo people in it by using the cheapest move in the world: cuteness.

It's ok to use cutesy stuff and colours: again, the best games do that. But this one has nothing under the coloured surface. It's colourful animals used to cover up a thing most people would not give a shit about if it had any other shape.

Proof is in the one million unsuccesful ripoffs of Angry Birds that are spreading all over the web like genital warts. The same idea isnt fun without the pretty animals. Why? Cause its not that fun. Pacman clones, Mario clones, Tetris clones, Bust a move clones alll kinda worked. Because playing them was fun, no matter what they looked like. This one isnt that amusing. All they did was draw cutesy birds and pigs.

Good marketin? Yes. Good idea? No.

As much as everyone is sticking this game in everyone's throat lately, by doing a million updates of it, the main reason behinf its popularity is because its cheap, simplified and tries to win over a part of the public that enjoys being treated like a retard. Whenever a girl, or a person that sually wouldnt paly anything cause they never found the right game, says they LOVE angry birds, its like hearing them say "i want the developers to spoon feed me shit and paint it pink causwe they think im a moron".

There's great stuff out there. Great ideas that will make you have tons of fun. Test your reflexes and enjoy the game. This thing is just a slow moving, lame mess that will make you angry anjd will just prove that you'll get the most stupid, simple crap, as long as it looks cute. You're not idiots. And you dont really enjoy it. Stop. This thing almost got an award. It would be like giving an award to Farmville. Meciority should not be rewarded. There's no pretentiousness in what i'm saying and its not "controversial" either. As Bill Hicks said: it's shit. Just admit it. You're allowed to say it, you're not a bad person if you do.

Word Wizards: Jack Ketchum

I am pretty much convinced that the majority of Horror, in any of its forms, fails its purpose: it is not scary. If the author/creator applies, they will, maybe, gross you out but thats as far as they will go. Great horror creations are less than a few, and most of the time, the effect they had on you will be relative tonyour age or personla sensitivity and not really to their effective power.

That said, the genre in itself can host some good narrators or visonaries. I could go on for paragraphs about horror cinema and the abstract beauty of its great geniuses and i will in the future.

What i wanna talk about here is one of the great usung geniuses of horror writing: Jack Ketchum. While the public tends to recognize more famous narrators as the "kings" of the genre, a lot of those names have really given their best efforts through non-horrifying storytelling.

I think the biggest example is Stephen King, a great writer (at time more underrated than the opposite, i think) that knows how to create vivid visions and feelings through wordplay anjd whose best works are unadaptable in any form that isnt the page (which is, to me, the sign of a great word wizard). Still his masterpeieces arent strictly horrifying. They do contain moments of creepiness but their power, take "It" or "The Stand" fo example, is not in those moments but in the human side or the off-there ideas. So while scouting for good reading, i noticed that often, in recoomendations, the name of Jack Ketchum came up. "The most dangerous writer in the world". "Terror personified". "The true king of horror". He started a whole movement of "extreme horror", that apparently was rooted in the attempt of using the wirtten word's power to create REAL horror.

Any of his novels could terrify even the most jaded reader. And, while violence and brutality are present in his stories, sometimes even strongly, the visceral power of his greatest stuff scars you way more deeply than a simple shows of gruesome killings or monsters. He worte some stories about vampires or brutal zombie-like creatures (like the amazingly hardcore "Off Season", a novel thats ages and still has the crude relentless power that few others have in its absolute lack of restraint). But his real peak is in stories that talk about real evil, like "The Lost", which contains one of the most dark and completely uncomnpromising villains ive met or the bleak poetry of "Red", a tale of an old-vet and his dog, turned into a descent into blodd spattered grief and humanity.

Or "The Girl Next Door".

If you never read that book, you might want to check it out without knowing anything about its story. But think twice. I would love to blindly reccomend it, cause its written beautifully, powerful and shiny. Still, its a book that scras people. Deeply. Actually, if you read it and you're not affected by it, something is really wrong with your soul and you're a sickly jaded person.

"The girl next door" takes a very harrowing true story. Uses Ktchum's pitch perfect ability to create a realistic atmosphere, believable and likeable characters, moments of absolutely heartbreaking swqeetness and sentences that get burned in your heart forever and uses it to destroy your soul. Its a tale of beauty, of sweetness, of humanity and how it can get devoured by pure evil. Real evil. The one you cant stop and that corrupts everything, turning even innocence into a rotting pit of corrosive slime. How man is essentially capable to do beautiful things but how it can easily turn into the most inexplicable threat on earth. With no reaosn besides cruelty and the thriving on it.

Thers a movie of it. It isnt bad but it turns the story into weird exploitation.

Some things shouldnt be seen by eyes. They only should be summoned. Theres no way to really give a good view of true hell, withotu somehow diminishing it. Jack Ketchum does. You've been warned.

Side Effects May Occur

Having been raised with the notion that men not only shouldnt show their feelings but thy better not have any, i have a weird relationship with emotions. Thats also one of the main factors behind my brain getting so haywired in the past: dealing with strong feelings, while always trying not to show them ever. This might seems strange for a guy that writes down his inner monologues on the internet, but that to me is as open as i can get and i also feel guilty for it.

I heard mjany many people, hgirls included, that keep saying that men should be comfortable with their emotions and let them exist. Still, ladies, i would be happy to be proven wrong and i'm sure that once you are intimate with someone, you'd love to know what goes on in their heads and hearts. But, at a deper level, you would never, ever, ever like or be attracted to a man that is overly sensitive or prone to crying. Of course, he will charm you into liking him, but its a trick. Men arent supposed to be too open about feelings and when they do, they keep it to themselves. It's how things are. And how they're supposed to be. I am already forcing myself to speak so openly here. Still, i have something going on in me that can be called feelings.

Its the side effects of having a heart and a brain. And not sleeping. My brain goes on a journey od its own and it fills up with shocks and thunderbolts, helped by its chemical instability, mad even more peculiar by the natural power of spring.

I watch the moon and think of every single girl i met. How beautiful they are but how somehow they dont quite fit the magic of the few that stole my hneart. How special those ones, or that one, are and the effects it has on my day. How my heart flutters how i seem to feel everything amplified at once and how even in its bitter sweteness, i love the feeling. How i cant really define what it is and what its happening but how i enjoy being in it and savouring it. And how precious the whole thing is to me, how talking to her makes me feel better. And then i remember the past times i had a similar thing and failed at making it grow. And it kinda becomes a regretful thing.

I remember talking or spending time with people i thought i loved and how it soured afterwards. How sometimes i miss that, eve a couple of sentences said at the right moment and how gorgeous those simple chats were. But i also remember how things went bad and i wish they didnt. But they did and most of the times, broken stuff cant be fixed.

Think of the great fucks in my life and the not-so-great ones. The old and the new. Have fantasies about the fuiture, embellish the memoriesx or remember details about them that i let slip. How the basic scent of skin, asweat and even tears could make me wilder than a rabid dog. And how the same things can leave me cold at times, while hearing a voice can make my blood race in a way thats unique and special. The simple vibration it gives, from my ears to my loins. Through the heart, the simple always broken heart.

Think of how i love the taste of a nice beer. Or two or twenty and how i got easily over the memories of me broken in a drunken car crash or me embarassinbg myself as a binge drinker, night after night. How that will not ever make me be clean. But yet how seeing my mother dying slowly second after second in front of me is making me hate alcohol. How talking to her on a morning and seeing her already shiutfaced, drooling on herself and not being able to stand because living is such a burden that she cant bvear it sober, is the most single hurtful image i'll ever witness.

How those things make me love friends for how they heal my pain but how in the end i need to fix me and what surrounds me by myself and alone. Because i need solitude to pace my life but i'm grateful for each and every single one of them. And i'm grateful for the one i love the most, whos' like aan angel that lightens up the dark. Love you Rhi. What you gonna do? I'm a bit of a pussy today. Its spring.

Shamelss Pleasures

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TV is Better Than Movies: Dexter

"Dexter", basically the story of a human and quite smart serial killer who kills other serial killer, has a following that defining "utterly devoted" would be an euphemism. All great series (rightfully so), have a fanbase, but this one, especially after Season Four (more on that later) has a bunch of worshipping fans of the best type.

To explain: as i probably told ya before, i discovered the pleasure of TV series not too long ago. Always been too ADD riddled to follow them and too full of weird prejudices. Still, everytime i talked to epople who were familiar with them, one of the recurring names was "Dexter". Followed by an ecstatic expression. And a "You have to see it".

So i did. At first i thought it had a weirdly quirky beginning. The characters were so..... Weird. Almost unlikeable, at times. Dexter included. Everything about it was weird: the sxurreal yet deeplyy depraved Miami setting, the stylized beauty of the violence (that at times reminded me of the good Dario Argento movies), the deep complexity of all the characters (who all seem inexplicably damaged and hialrious in their own way), the constant switching between tension and morbid sarcastic humour. And Dex himself.

Michael C Hall is an actor that deserves utter adoration for his subtle, powerful work in this series. He won me. All the actors are what makes this series special, from the incredibly emotional and likeable Jennifer Carpenter (whose scenes not only make me love hercharacter but got my heart too), to the always dependable David Zaayas (the man who is in every single series ever made and always succeeds into making his characters compelling and charming), through the beautiful and endearing even wehen annoying Julie Benz. Still Hall is the one who won me. His ability to unleash humour and emotions through a character that is unable to feel like anyone does, is incredible. He moves through what less great thespians, do, from one pole of the emotional spectrum to the other, with a single shift in his eyes. You feel whats happening inside him, even when his vpoiceover isnt explaining it. You can perceive those movements inside your heart, just by looking at his stare, his expressions, his movements. And he can be terrifying too when he has to.

The series is paced, hialrious, emotional, full of quirky details that got me laughing or cringing.

Then Season Four came.

And John Lithgow enetered the picture.

I was warned. And yet.

I wont spoil. It would be unforgivable by my part. But i will try to explain what that seaosn did to me, besides carving this show into my soul for the rest of my life.

John Lithgow is a killer. I'm not spoiling anything here. And..... He creates, through his voice, his body, his lines, his eyes and everything about him, what can be described as the most horrifying, black, inhuman, abject and monstruous incarnation of pure unsympathetic evil you'll ever witness.

Villains in movies, especially serial killers, are often (maybe way too often) cool, charming or sympathetic. Even an utter monster as Hannibal Lecter, is acharming. Satan is sometimes described as fascinating. As something that attracts you. Or at times, evil is grotesque, scary but over the top. Unreal. You can detach from absolute eveil cause yous ee it as cartoony and fictional. Evcen the actual monsters are still seen as something you dont real feel frightened of cause they're surreal or unblievable. In this sreason, in the middle of a series that at times is clearly unbelievable, thats fun in its pleasant meanness and dark humour, a true monsster walked in. John Lithgow, who won an emmy for this, an unavoidable prize, has used his figure, his old and quirky appearance and his sublie acting ability to give a physical portrait of absolute monstrosity.

I was afraid of him. Terrified. Physically sick. Hated him.

He scarred me emotionally, psychologically, even when his scenes with Hall touched the high reign of perfect acting or to quote a firend "Stopped the world". What was unfolding in front of my eyes wasnt simply a thriller. It was a dissection of inhumanity and horror. When it ended, i felt like iw ould never recover again. And i probably wont.

So, fuck the cynical assholes, who say that tv series are all the same. Watch this. Get ready. It will rock your world, for the good or the bad.

The Art Of Gaming: Minecraft

It's a quiet day, in The Most Boring Computer Store On The Planet.

Your Hero, me, is, as usual, fidgety and wanting to share his lame passion with anyone. After Gulping A Coffee-Dreg-Super-Sized (Tm by White Zombie), he looks around for someone to tell his new idea for his blog.

He sees his coworker, Gino The Average Dude, sitting in front of a Mac, trying to fake-work, but really checking the latest updates on his Farmville profile (alternating that with quick peeks on YouJizz).

The hero sits near him and clears his throat, while playing with his beard. Gino Sees him, sighs loudly and tries to act busy.

Hero: "Hey Dude"

Gino: "...."

Hero: "You know, i dont know if you checked my Blog lately..."

Gino: "No"

Hero: "Yeah, thanks. I was planning to do a follow up to my post on the Art Of Gaming..."

Gino: "I dont read blogs"

Hero: "...and i wanted to push the concept of how modern video games, especiallyt on the PC platforms are really the purest form of connection between entertainment, interactivity and art..."

Gino: "Dude, arent you 32? Kids play games. Get laid more"

Hero: "....so as you certainly agree, i decided to use Minecraft as an example. You know Minecraft?"

Gino: "What?"

Hero. (SIGH) "....Well Minecraft was a project started by a developer named Markus "Notch" Persson. He wanted to create something new, a game that wasnt really a game per se, but more of a purely free digital world where you could explore a universe, take what you found in it and create things. Craft things.

So he started this project. A randomly generated world made with 3d graphics but stilla completely retro look. A three-dimensional world of big pixillated 8-bit graphics. Like you were dropped in afully explorable universe made by Nintendo in the 80's.

In this universe you had nothing at first, but you could roam freely. Touch, punch and pick up stufff. Materials like dirt, stone, wood, sand.... And then with those materials and a simple grid you could start using those materials to create items. Like a pickaxe or a shovel. Or a sword. Or whatever. And with those items, you'd get more materials, build more items and build stuff. Shape this world according to your immaginations. Build Mines, vehicles, houses, everything. No limts. None at all.

Notch decided to give this project away for free at first. it was a huge success. Thenm he asked for a tiny donation to developed it more. And he got that too. The idea became a cult, a sensation, a phenomenon.

Everyone was creating stuff in Minecraft, sometimes building structures and worlds that were completely amazing. From Island with Monorails, Castles, Labyrinths and Giant Spaceships to a Giant Working Computer! Yes an actually working Computer made of stone and fire. Amazing, right.

And this thing keeps expanding and mutating. It keeps getting bigger and more limitless. Notch took the idea of interactivity, freedom and a digital version of Lego and Silly putty and gave it to people. They got addicted and showed that immagination isnt dead yet and that a great idea can become something as big as nothing a standardize Call Of Duty-clone producer could ever create.

The player is free and becomes an artist through this tool of magnificience that Notch gives...."

Gino: "Sorry. I wasnt listening. What's that? Do you shoot stuff in it?"

Hero: "...Well there's monsters..."

Gino: "Meh. Those Violent games. Should be banned. You dont get it, you dont have any kids. I like Angry Birds, though..."

(....to never be continued)

Check all that is Minecraft related (from where to get it, to other player's experiences and ideas, to pretty much anything beautiful) here: http://www.minecraft.net

Ideas That Will Make You A Poopillionaire

Since the economy is messed up and wont fix herself, that silly broad and looking for extra jobs is boring and takes away time from designing giant robots that can conquer the world, i decided to start listing some creative and new ways to become rich to the point of emabarassment.

I'll give some here, because i trust you guys. Dont steal my ideas, though, be nice. Dont make me google you and give you a wedgie:

- Create New Reality Shows That Exploit Uncovered Areas Of Humanity (Inspired by TiltedHaloCast)(Yes in Bold. Too Lazy to Turn It Off. Screw You Nerds)

Seems unblievable these days, where any sort of sadsack, freak or attention craving misfit seems to have been exploited by a reality show. But still the Universe, as one can learn on the scientific show Doctor Who, is large and full of stuff. So, even sticking to earth and humanity, there's still uncovered portions.

Examples: "Who Stole My Garden Gnomes?" (where a troupe steals the garden gnomes of some random suburbanite and watch while they attack the closest ethnic neighbour), "Oh My, i Turned Into A Negro!" ( a resident of Bumblefuck, Whitetrashia, is covered in permanent black paint and then filmed as he goes through his life convinced to be black), "Panda Wives" (a bunch of unhappy ladies, is promised a million and a tv show if they get officially married to a panda for a month. They're filmed and shenanies happens).

Please do give some contributions!

- Porn Versions Of Everything

That one has also been exhausted too but theres still untouched areas. Actually, the hugest trick is that you do NOT have to make an actual movie! Patch together some clip from the internet (like anyone really cares about copyright, duh). Touch the untouched (wink wink), discover the undiscovered (waka waka), jizz the un-jizzed (hubba hubba).

Examples: "This isnt Locats" (random porn scenes with superimposed funny mispelled phrases. Meme porn! "LOL I IZ CUMMIN! CAN I HAZ YOUR PENIS IN MY VAGINA NOW?), Angry Penises (yes, the porn version of Angry Birds! As i said, random scenes with a short animations of.... Well Birds jumping into Pig's Asses? Well yeah, you catch the bestiality crowd too, that way! WIN!)

- The Aww-Hotline

All those web cam hotlines, and sex chats are montone. All you hear is "Oooh aaaah i so wish Your cock was in me. Oooh aaaah i'm sooo horny you little shit" (I've been told! Stop Laughing!).

Nobody thinks of the sensitive guys! Lets do a line where a chick with boobies out (There seems to be an abundance of those in the world) or a guy with his ass out (or his balls. no idea whats popular) actually is cute and lovingly dimishing like real lovers are.

"awww, dear. I dont care if your dick is small. size doesnt matter"

"let me tell you my day at work. yes you can fap."

"do i look fat in those crotchless panties?"

Cha-CHING!

These are some. Also one can start a band with a catchy name but no music (no one really listens to it), like "The Outrageous Zucchini". All you need is a name and Twitter.

Or be a Professional Meme. Create a fake Twitter Account with a weird monicker and a catchy picture ans hout stuff that is cute but controversial. Then, Merchandise!

Well there's more i guess. You give some, leeches!

Humoredians: Joe Rogan

Lately, i've been discussing Rogan with people whose opinion i appreciate, even in disagreement. My main issue with him, has never been with his comedy. I always thought he is and always was a talented stand-up comedian.

My biggest issue with the guy, is how brash i always found his personality. Back then, at the time he pubblished his first album "I'm Gonnna Be Dead Someday" and his first dvd, i discovered him, since i was following every comedian who the label founded by Bill Hicks' pal Kevin Booth, Sacred Cow. I thought , as i still think, that Joe was hilarious, intelligent and with a true gift for biting comedy.

I started having issues with the attitude he had off stage, though and at times even on stage. While i knew that the aggressiveness he showed back then was part of his comedic persona, something "real" always seemeddx to filter in his interviews. He seemed to always have attitude. He talked about other comedians, entire styles of comedy and he sounded actually mean. His thoughts on homosexuality, mind expanding, drug experimentation, which sounded biting and rightfully provocative as jokes were much more hard to swallow when he delivered them with lots of testosterone driven confidence in regular talks. I have a part of me, probably caused by my past experiences, that inherently dislikes people who act with extreme confidence or knowing superiority. And thats what i felt Rogan had. I felt like he stopped being someone who shared thoughts in an hiularious form and felt like he was being extremely judgemental of anyone who did not share his views or his experiences.

That soured my view of his work and while still enjoying his comedy, i could never shake that feeling off. Not during his Mencia beef, not during any interview he did in the later years (where he got way more humble and understanding), not even during my almost self imposed listening sessions of his Podcast.

So, in the last few days, i decided to re-listen to his albums, and his more recnt talks. And while i still find him way too self assured, especially when discussing his choices in self discovery and experimentation, he is a fascinating person AND an increasingly funny comic. He deserves all the attention he gets.

So even if i disagree with him most of the time, i'll still liste n to what he has to say. I guess he wins. http://www.joerogan.net