Poopcasters (hehehe...)

Well, at this point i have spread my newly found attempt at being something more than an average lame-o all over the web. I have podcasted. So i cant point my finger at podcasters and call them "self absorbed nerds who think they have something interesting to say" anymore. Actually if i ever did that, i should amputate my own testicles, cause it would mean that i'm one of technophobic snobs that love to ruin life for everyone by snarking at creativty.

Instead i will bash at myself and many of my podcaster buddies with the ultimate tool for modern comedy: a LIST! OOoooooooh SNappetysnap!

So, podcasters and their show could be easily divided in a series of categories:

DISCALIMER: really great podcasts arent really into any of these categories but are also rare. If you find them, hold on to them like they're gold ( uncast.net ... just saying....)

The Group Ones.

- The Popular Any-Time-Of-The-Day Zoo

Popular doesnt mean really popular, of course. Podcasting means inherently that your audience makes the effort to find your stuff, where the average "mainstream" audience of any medium is the one who listes to you by chance or casually.

Still, there's a few of these, that are spread out enough to become "cult" or gain enough of an audience to actually be professionals. One of the mian examples of those is the style of the "zoo crew".

Remember Howard Stern? Rememeber how suddenly after he changed how radio sounded forever and caused a wave of maladjusted clones of his style that suddenly wanted to be that way? Thats whgat those show are. They're long, generally. They have a couple of regular hosts, who often have nicknames ("Ricky and The Horny Hamster"), or are referred as an entity ("The Sucidal Dildo Bunch"). They are loud, often crass and a bit annoying. Their idea of edgy is to say a lot of racist stuff, play crass songs, have calls by their more reatrded listeners, whom they make fun of on air (and whom are so attached to the show they will hardly abandon it even if the show sent a group of stormtroopers to their house). They like to use soundclips, some of them are taken from the news and transformed into psychotic bits that will be played inappropriately a million times until you wanna die (remember Mel Gibson screaming "you should just smile and blow me"? yeah that over and over and over and over and over and over). Also they have a few regular guests that play as characters and are probably not even remotely that way in real life.

The fans of this type of shows are really obsessive, rude and unfriendly. Or cast outs like Juggalos.

- The Bunch Of Comedians That Are Amusing Each Other

A group of comedians who usually are funny onstage but are the most horrible and annoying people on earth in person, lock up in a studio and discuss stuff. Generally, what happens next is that they will all try to outjoke each other, not finishing sentences, be neurotic about silliness, discuss comedy (and bore to death anyone who isnt a comedian or a nerd) or, god help us, start doing improvised "bits". Some of those work, most of those dont. When they dont the result is like being at a party where everyone yerlls over each other and laughs but no one really knows what the fuck is happening. They have fun, though.

-The Elite That No One Knows

It happens less lately but it still happens. Sometime a group of people decide to form a poidcast and start talking about people that only they know, do inside joke that fly over the head of most listeners, and talk about happenings no one attended. Its likie hearing a joke ending without having listened to the opening bit. Makes you feel used and a bit soiled.

The Solos

- The Comedian Who Needs To Say Things

At some points of their career, all comics go into a slef deprecating crysis, relizer that whatever they do isnt good anymore, and start trying everything in order to fill a void in their soul. So at some point, theyll write a book, try acting, haver a music career (AIEEEEE). And eventually do podcasting, since its "what's hip". They will start with the worst sound ever, locked up ins some basement, generally make a lot of mean sprited jokes at how "no one listens". At some point theyll gains omelisteners, often fans. Theyll appreciate that, but it wont be enough, since they want more. Theyll beg for more listeners, donations and complain a lot and be angry. At this point the show either becomes brilliant or dies off.

- The Average Joes Who Have Opinions

Similar to the comedian ones. Only these guys arent usually very funny. They will generally rant about their lives, looking for sympathy and support, or talk about various topic in a chaotic, sometimes brilliant way. As the comedians route, usually at some point theyll have an illusion of being able to do it for a living but it will be harder for them, since no one really knows who they are. A very few of those will survive and grow, most will die off, since those people have real lives and jobs.

The Specifics

- The Music Lover

This one plays tracks and is usually very good at it. It would seem the obvious choice but apparently thers not many of them, since egveryone wants to be a comic. The few good ones are good enough to change your life

- The Critics

They dissect stuff. Movies, books, pop culture or their favourite stuff. They may be actual critics which usually makes them obnoxious snobs who stopped loving what they are reviewing ages ago out of jaded boredom, or be fans. Now fans are dangerous. They will say outlandish crap and often be very poisonous at the first sign of negativity wether its the audience or other podcasts or anything really. The effect is similar to going to a Comic Con and yelling "NERRRRRRRDS". Only in audio form.

- The Brits

I swear, i dont mean to be snarky or xenophobic, but when you hear a British podcast youll know. And i aint talking about the accent. Theres something in british people, no matter what theyre talking about that just makes them stick out. An example? The Monocle Weekly. they could be talking about a terrorist attack and they will still sound like they're describing the latest brand of afternoin tea, while chuckling politely and making silly puns. Its fascinating and absolutely puzzling at the same time....

Fell free to add and comment or fuck off, as usual.