martedì 6 settembre 2011

Always Loook At The Bright Side of Your Moneky....

Of course, just by looking at that pic, you might be guessing i'0m gonna launch in one of those funny tirade about how being a drunk or an addict has funny sides and how beer is better than anything else. Nah. I accept people being constantly shitfaced. I do drink occasionally, although im mostly sober, latelly. I noticed that, very differently form how i approached the matter up to this day, i drink because i LIKE what i drink and i enjoy the sensations it gives me. I like good wines, and beer. So i drink them enough to enjoy them but avoid binging because i have no more pleasure in altering my mind, unless it's a particular occasion.

See, after doing it for years at a level that risked me to get almost killed in various oocasions and getting into lòegal troubles, i still know exactly why most people doi it in order to get shitfaced. I cant deal with that anymore, because if i ever did that even once, i would become addicted to the feeling right away. The borerdeom and ewmptiness that life has, the way booze (or drugs) take the unbearable edges off of a moment is there, so i perfectly understand why someone would want to do it.

And again, im not talking about people who drink out of a taste for beer. I'm talking about how a lot of people turned to heavy drinking cause it helps you deal with despair. It works. As do drugs. When you get shitfaced enough, you get some sort of powerful drive to do what your social inhibition block from you. You get laid easier (although, often with bad results), you tell what you really think to people's face, you attack people who deserve a slap. And you have this excuse for taking stuff off of your chest that is somehow socially accepted.

Lets admiti it. Most pof the good times you had in your life, werent really good. You made them good cause you were drunk. And you drank a lot cause sobriety wouldve been unbearable. Cause if you were sober, you wouldve been unable to stand the people who surrounded you and you wouldve been a majopr pain in the ass to everyone.

And drugs are the same. They are ok, they make things easier. Until they become all you have to survive the total dreck that the majortity of lives become.

Thats why i had to quit or cut downb. I needed to get shitfaced, cause like it happened to my mother, even waking up was becoming a terrible moment where i realized i wasnt dreaming anymore, i was still alive and it wasnt over. So being shitfaced since early morning helped. Then id get less wortk or worse a work place where no one really cared if i was lucid or not. So id just drink more. Hangovers would be horrible but would also be part of the deal.

And the people who surrounded me. Well when you are a drunk, you end up hanging with drunks. And drunks want you to be drinking all the time. They dont like sober people. They tell you that hangovers can be cured by drinking more. They hget nervous at anythying if they have to stay sober. And they drive.

I have seen people getting into almost deadly accidents, gaining wheelchairs and scars and still do it again. I tried to be a sober driver but it was impossible to pull that off because a regular drunk driover is not going to let you drive. It humiliates them, it hurts their ego which is one of the flaws that has made them the way they are. I know that. i had my keys taken away from me and all i did at some point wasnt simply accepting that i couldnt drive but instead attack whoever took the key and hit them until i got the keys back.

And honestly, no one really gives a fuck about what you do when you're with drunks. You wanna drive shit faced? Please do. Your problem.

And its the same with drugs. It's fun but at the end, the fun always end up erasing life and becoming all you have. I miss it a lot. Life isnt good, it will never be. Sometimes i need a crutch but i also know that if i ever relapsewd into that, i would be done.

And if you are reading this and saying: "Oh, i dont have a problem, i can do it without dramna" or "i need that to feel better. I know its wrong but i'm in so much PAIN"... Well you're full of shit.

1 commento:

  1. I have flirted with disaster a number of times over the past ten years and I don't mind saying that I enjoyed flirting a lot. One thing that compliments an addiction to alcohol and/or pills is an addiction to pushing the envelop - of going as close to the edge as possible - with people, with life, with destruction. It was a rush for sure.

    I don't know what made me stop doing it. The easy explanation would be to say that it was my children but it's not as simple as that, because my penchant for flirtation with destruction continued even after my first born arrived.

    I think I just got tired of watching others around me wipe themselves out. I'd look at them and think "pathetic" and realize that I was just as pathetic as them.

    I still drink, though rarely and usually on my own at home. It's safer and I can usually play whatever shitty music I want - namely Charlie Pride and Roger Miller. Fuck knows why...

    But I'm sort of at peace with that.