Ok, i admit, today anger is galloping inside my head. I'm sorry the chemicals who manage my brain apparently decided today was the right day to unleash the piss and vinegar, so the best thing for me, is to use this place as an outlet. Still, i know some of you understand my feelings and in some cases even share them. So, lets doa gorup hug, while stomping our feet. (well that one might be this summer's new co0ol thing, who knows).
Have you ever grown tired of some specific sentences? I dont mean that in a "ugh i cannot hear that phrase anymore, iuts so stupid" way. I mean some words you cannot bear to hear anymore because you stopped believing in them or you feel, they're getting said with increasing lack of heart, sincerity or meaning.
It's weird ho0w feelings and important things are either never said these days, or said too often. Something has broken inside our collective hearts and turned us all into numb people who do not say things until it's too late, or say them so often they lack anyn reality or substance to them.
I'm Sorry
I think i know maybe one or two people whoi have a heart big enoujgh to contain enough feelings and emotion to actually feel sorry and apologetic enough to really mean it when they say it. But the others utter this phrase as some sort of weird, pointless patch to put over broken fellings, gaping mistakes or just as a way to get over a bad moment while still having to say something. If someone close to me is suffering, if i'm going through a hellish period, you dont have to say youì're sorry. Maybe you are, maybe youre not but dont feel the need to say it. If youre one of the good ones, i know you are. That is also why i choose ypou top be part of my life. because youre real and you have feelings. So you dont really have to say things like that. And if you're not close to me and you really dont care, shut the fuck up. No you're not sorry. You do not give a shit about the paiun that's going on. You are just saying that because you need to say something so you cxan get out of this moment thats making you feel bad. Just shut up.
And if you hurt me, or someone you love, saying you're sorry wont fix anything. Show how you want to fix your mistakes with actions not words. Make things better. There's no amount of "sorry" that will fix the hole you'll feel inside of you, the mountain of guilt and shit, once the ones you love are gone, one way or the other. And in the end, they'll all go away. And you'll think over and over about the mistakes you've made, and how all those "i'm sorry" didnt mean anything.
My father used to say, still does, "i'm sorry" after doing the most hurtful shit. Then did it a minute after. And if faced with the lack of logic of that, he just answered he wasnt really sorry. It was just the "right thing to say". It isnt. Everytime you hurt a loved one, you take something aweay, and it cant always be fixed. Just know that. You will nevert make some things better. It's how it is. So avoid the easy way out.
I love you
If it's supposed to be meaningful, then dont give this to everyone. A heart isnt an endless, limitless star that you can share with everyone. Again, some hearts are so big that they're almost endless. And those hearts can give and rtecive love until the end of the world. Yet, not every heart is that way. Most people abuse that word and the meaning it has. If you say to someone you "love" them, you have to mean it. You have to want to give your life for them. You have to want them to be a part of you. It doesnt necessarily have to be romantic, it can also be about friendship. But even in that case, you can enjoy someone's company, like them, be fond of them, but if you love them, it has to mean, you want their happiness more than you want yours. It sounds cheesy and maybe over the top, but its the utter truth. I do love some people. And i do want their happiness more than anything else, id give my life for it. But its a special thing and its something i dont share with everyone.
So i dont say it.
We're Friends
Yeah, i know you think you're a scoial creature and you think you can count anyone you interact with two times a year as a "friend" but the fact is, the real "friendships" are like real relationships. They're tough, uneasy, strange and they reward you with real feelings. I can have great friendship without having met the person and i can see a person every day without ever really feeling like we connected. Its chemistry, so use your words correctly.
Things Will Get Better
They might not, so hearing you say it liuke it's a fact makes me think you dont have your shit together. Bad things might keep happening and bad peoiple might keep doing what they do. Maybe trying to face the negativity and accept it is better than hoping for changes that will not come.
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