martedì 2 agosto 2011

The Art Of War and Deafeat

I'll clear things up right away: everything i'm about to state in this post IS A THOUGHT and doesnt pretend to be truth. Everything i will express is a reflection, might change after discussion or further thinking and should not be taken as something personal or offensive in any way. To make it clearer: if anyone reads this and feels hurt, i will loose any respect i have for you and consider you a complete idiot. Grow a pair and start thinking about uncomfortable possiblities too.

Illness is a bitch. I'm not talking about the weird world of mental illness, i'm talking about actual diseases that have a personality of their own. I'm tired of complaining about my own dewpression and hearing people who complain about it. Face it: as much as you like to claim your special position in the world of today, where if you dont have a major problem or peculiar illnesss, you're not a real person, your depression IS NOT as important as a disease as the real, physical, debilitating ones. I have depression, i use meds and i fight with it. It's a real, tangible monster but it's nowhere near to what a crippling illness like cancer or lupus are. If we feel that bad, we still can kill ourselves, its still legal, where actual victims of illness are FIGHTING to survive. Depression can be crippling but isnt a big FIGHT. It can be overcome. Most chronic and terminal diseases do NOT have a cure and might not have one for a long time. But still, it seems that the army of the depressed calls for more attention, since we are loud and obnoxious. Let's shut the fuck up and deal with actually improving the chances for people who are in REAL danger.

That said, as a person who has ill people in his life, sometimes i have to face the realization: the war will not be won by everyone. Every case is different and every person has a set of weapons of their own to fight the war. But some will not win. Yes we will still fight and try as hard as we can but yet there's some diseases that are concretely HOPELESS. There's some tumors or viruses that are as intelligent as any creature with abrain and seem able to dodge any healing bullet that gets shot at them with a deft way that defeats the purpose of investing time and effort in it.

Sometimes i wonder, in such cases, waht's better? Using the time left hopping from hospital to hospital, injecting chemicals, radiation and surgical tools in the patient's body to find a solution that is more of a 0.00001 percentage than even a slight chance or spend the time left by lessening the pain and making life better for the person (and i say person instead pf patient, EXACTLY because i'm making that distinction). Shall we fight for one month or one week of life added just to use it in hospital rooms and chemio therapy session that debilitate rather than heal, just to reach the end anyway as we knew from the very beginning?

I'm not talking about the type of illnesses that can be sent to remission or actually won over. For those, war is the only option. I will give my own life gladly to save the ones i love, whatever option shows up. I will fight for them even when they have nom ore strength to fight.

But at waht point, the whole thing stops being a fight and becomes a torture? If the person i love is suffering more for the attempts of curiong them, and getting weaker and weaker, am i using them as a guinea pig for my fear to keep them there? Shall i just try to make their time in this world better, instead of focusing on the war. Or do i have to keep fighting, even if its pointless.

Is it ever pointless? I really do not know. Again, do not fucking yell that i'm "insensitive". I love the ones i love and i am seriously questioning these points. So watch your mouth.

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