giovedì 24 maggio 2012

For You.

I'm writing this because i have to.

See, i love you. I love you more than anything in the world. You are the reason i live and breathe. And not in the usual pseudo poetic way that people use to make their love declarations sound more powerful. I do live and breathe because of you.

Because at morning, when i wake up, my mind is at its lowest, weakest point. Its downb and juices, aching for pilsl and at oits loneliest: And all i can think of at that moment is that youre ou there somewhere and i have to drag myself out of bed and stand and gnaw through anything with claws and teeth so i can be rewarded with ebven one smile from you.

And you're strength and light and joy. Youre enthuisiasm for small and big things. Yoiu make me feel emnotions when i chose on my own to become numb cause even joy would've meant to hit rock bottom sooner or later. 

But with you, its natural: The joy is always there and its for small domestic daily occurrence. I am happy for sitting in the sun, for seeing a cat picture, hearing a song, thinking of a joke. 

The need for you is aching and strong and hits me, always. But i welcome it, cause it makes blood rush through my vein and reactivate my limbs and the heart beat.

And i always was scared of that: Terrified of feeling, cause to me, feeling good with sopmeone also means, sometimes, if not most of the time, to feel ten thousand times worse when you're alone.

Cause when i loved somebody i would become terrified of losing them. In the most wicked ways. Cayuse i have a beast in me and it is subtle. It makes me see my small inabilities. My mediocrities. My tiny flaws that can make everything crack: My lack of money: My temper. My weird mood swings. My sudden melancholy that always looms  oiver my mind like a shadow ready to cloud any thought and make evrything panicky and horrifying.

So i would choose not to feel anything.

 But the feelings were so strong when you came along. Cause you loved me for me, with all the package. With all the flaws. With the temper and the problems. And you started to actually see them as ythings that made me what i am.

And after falling for your eyes and smile, and voice and body, and mind and personality, i fell in love with what you didnt like about yoiu either. Your moments of insecurity and fragility. Your emotions and how they took over you at times. Your stubborness and your quirks. I love them all so much: Cause i know them well and yet i always find new ones.

And you know what they all complete mine. You understand my flaws cause you have some too. And we make them fit. And we make the work together for those moments of awesome. Which are every single second we are together or in each other's head.

This is why i love you. Cause no matter how dark, lonely and forlorn my world is, youre a better world i can go to. And which i never weanna leave. And because you're you. And that you si perfect for me. AN d it will always be.

And i ve never felt more secure of anything in my whole little life.

I will always love you

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